Monthly Archives: September 2015

The Dream Team

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I gather that the title of my blog is a good indication of how I see life, but just to clarify, I am an optimist. In my younger years, I think I even bordered on idealistic. I always try to see the positive side of every situation, and I surround myself with like-minded people. When you live in a world where you constantly interact with people with chronic illnesses, it’s hard to find friends that are of my same mindset.

When I stopped working, I was not in a very optimistic place. There was no end to my grieving for the loss of my career. I felt defeated and alone. I was sure that there was no one out there who could possibly understand what I was going through. It seemed like I was losing the very thing that had always defined me: my positivity. At that exact moment, a life saver was thrown my way, collectively, by the most amazing group of friends I could ever ask for. Did you ever meet someone and from the first moment feel like you had known that person forever? It was like that, but better. Here’s why. They really, truly understand. We all face the same challenges even though our symptoms are as varied as we are. We have the same sensitivities and we all struggle with the same social issues that make our friendship that much more important. We depend on each other in ways that far exceed the other relationships in our lives, not out of want, but out of need. We are all vastly different in almost every way, but we all share the one thing we hate the most: the MonSter. We come from all walks of life in our past lives, but now we are walking together. Between the lot of us, we pretty much have every single symptom ever documented, so when one of us has a new strange symptom, there is always at least one other person who has had it and can offer comfort. We lean on each other, even though each of us is as off-balance as the next! We have even talked about the fact that between all of us on a good day we might have two good legs to stand on. We also say that if we smooshed us all together into one person, we (might) make one relatively healthy individual. We laugh because it’s funny, even if it is probably true. 

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One time when I was a teacher, I was helping to facilitate a workshop for my colleagues, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot when I think about my MS family. In the presentation, we talked about how geese fly in a “V” formation, with one goose taking the lead at the center of the V. When he gets tired, he falls back, and a new goose takes the lead. That’s how my MS family is. When one of us falls back, the rest of us band together to be strong enough for all. It’s funny how I can’t remember why we used the goose thing then, and now after years have passed, I see the relevance to my own life. 

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Spending time with my MS family is always invigorating. It’s easy and it’s comfortable, and I always feel loved, appreciated, and understood. We laugh until our abs are sore and our faces hurt. It’s the best therapy ever! My soul gets filled up with a kind of happiness that only comes from them. I wish there was a better word to describe our relationship than “family”, but I am reminded of this quote from the book “Illusions”, by Richard Bach: “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.” I couldn’t agree more!

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Mama Rankin

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This week, the thing that has been resonating with me the most, is something I have written about before. I’m sure many of you are familiar the beautiful and talented actress Kim Cattrall. For the old fogies, remember the movie “Mannequin”? How about “Porky’s”? “Sex and the City”? I find it amazing that in the year 2015, a 59 year old woman is still defending the fact that she has not given birth to any biological children. Perhaps I am hyper-sensitive about the topic at this exact moment in time because I have been wearing my “Mama Rankin” hat a lot these days, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

I was so pleased to see that her discussion on the matter became newsworthy and that she was so eloquently able to express the way we mamas without kids feel. 

No one can deny the stigma associated with a woman of child-bearing age who is not, has not, or will not bear children. I have lived it personally, more so when I was in my 20’s and all of my friends started getting pregnant, but people still respond the same way now. It doesn’t matter what the social situation is, either. Why is it that when people first meet me, a middle-aged (yikes!) woman, their first question is “how many children do you have?”? Why are we, as women, judged by whether or not we have physically given birth, or even by the number of times we have done so? All of a sudden, the hot new term for people like me is “childless”, which Cattrall explained is demeaning, because it insinuates that we are lesser women for not having had children. I think that my value as a loving, nurturing woman, exceeds far beyond the fact that I did not endure any pregnancies. 

(Read more about my decision to not reproduce HERE!)

Kim Cattrall also explained that she may not be a biological parent to anyone, but that she does take on a parental role for many young people. I prefer to think of myself more as a big sister than a parent, but either way, I could not have said it better myself. Years ago, I was interviewed for an article in the newspaper because of my involvement with the local chapter of the National MS Society’s annual walk, specifically the largest team the chapter had ever seen, of which the majority of participants were my students. Of course, they actually asked me if I had any children. I was quoted as saying, “Yes. I have about 160 this year.” And that’s exactly how I always felt. 

With my former students, I was (and still am) 100% emotionally invested in them. No, I did not give birth to any of them, but the relationships we share are equally as sweet. I celebrated their accomplishments with them, no matter how big or small. I remember celebrating with a “high five” or a hug when a student finally passed a test (with a D+) after never having passed one before. I remember a student who took a victory lap around the classroom when he won quiz show type of question against someone he deemed smarter than himself, and I encouraged it. I gave hugs when my students needed them, even though we weren’t supposed to. I listened to their stories of heartbreak, family problems, and school problems. I disciplined them when they behaved badly, because I had to. But I proudly witnessed their growth from freshmen to sophomores to juniors to seniors. I cried as they received their diplomas, and then exchanged phone numbers, email addresses, and social media handles with them because I could. I think about my former students all the time, even the ones who are not in touch with me anymore. My name is not on any birth certificates (other than my own), but I still consider myself a “mama” in every way. 

I’m sad that I won’t be “adopting” any more children now that I’m not teaching. To make myself feel better, I chalk it up to my “biological clock” ticking. Plus I’m still completely committed to all those who were in my class, on my Walk MS team, or who simply liked hanging out in my classroom before and after school. Whatever the reason, I am thankful for having each and every one of them. Every single one of them has left a little stamp on my heart. The truth of the matter is that this teacher’s love never dies, and that no matter how many years go by, Mama Rankin will always be in their corner. 

It is true that I did not go through the physical process of giving birth, but I challenge anyone to devalue my worth as a woman because of it. I certainly don’t. 

These are just a few of the most recent selfies with some of my kids. They are all at different stages in their lives, and I am super proud of each one of them, including all of my "kids" that are not pictured here.

These are just a few of the most recent selfies with some of my kids. They are all at different stages in their lives, and I am super proud of each one of them, including all of my “kids” that are not pictured here.

The Place To Be

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There are some places that I go to regularly that automatically make me happy. Sometimes it’s because of the environment itself, sometimes it’s because of the people who are there, and sometimes it’s a combination of both. The Rankin Homestead, and my little oasis in Millstone are just two of my happy places. But one spot in particular that always makes me feel good is the place where I work the hardest: my trainer’s gym. 

I have written about Diane before, and as much as I loved it when she led the MS exercise classes, I am benefitting a hundred-fold by working with her one on one. 

A gym (and/or a regular exercise program) can be incredibly frustrating for an MS patient. As someone who was an athlete my whole life, it’s hard to accept that my body is not always capable of doing things that were simple for me in my life before MS. 

The gym is in the basement and as I walk down the stairs, I always hear Diane working with the client before me. The energy in the room is palpable. Before I even make it to the bottom of the stairs, I am pumped and ready to go. 

This is the basement. Diane is the boss of the basement and she will remind you of this if need be!

This is the basement. Diane is the boss of the basement and she will remind you of this if need be!

The basement is a supportive environment where no one is judged by what they can’t do. Every single client, MS or not, is held to his or her own standard, and not compared to anyone else. Diane celebrates each accomplishment with us, no matter how big or how small. She gets equally excited for the top athlete who breaks new records as she does for the MS patient who perhaps is working on (seemingly) simple things like walking without an assistive device. 

In the basement, I feel loved and supported. I never feel subpar because I am encouraged to challenge myself. The phrase “I never give you anything you can’t do” is a common utterance, and I can’t argue because I know it’s true. Most times, Diane believes in me way more than I believe in myself. When I am there, I feel like a superstar, and that I am invincible. I am not afraid of failing. After all, she never gives me anything that I can’t do. 

Workouts are different every single session, and often include some TRX moves, which no one ever thought people with MS could do.

Workouts are different every single session, and often include some TRX moves, which no one ever thought people with MS could do.

The basement always feels inviting, regardless of my motivation to exercise that day. Once I’m there, there is nothing I’d rather do than have a really good workout with the best trainer I have ever known. Diane is one of the most talented, kind-hearted, and compassionate people I have ever met. The bond that she shares with her clients is so genuine, and we ultimately consider her more of a friend/sister/confidante than anything else. In the two years that I have been working with her, she has completely changed my life, and I can’t imagine my life without her. 

Once upon a time, Diane held our classes at the gym, and the studio had the same vibe as the basement, which tells me that my happiest places are not really about the physical locations, but who is there with me. Surrounding myself with people (like Diane) who exude positivity make everywhere I go one of my happy places. It’s a pretty awesome way to live. You should try it! 

Back to School

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As students and teachers everywhere head back to school, I can’t help but think about where I am at this very moment, and how far I’ve come in just one year. Last year at this time, I was devastated because everyone was going back to school without me. I couldn’t imagine not going to school every day, and without 150 new kids. As everyone I know started posting back-to-school photos of their children, I avoided social media like the plague because it was simply too painful for me. I even fled the state and spent the first week of September at my dad’s house in Florida. I couldn’t run away fast enough. 

What a difference a year makes! The biggest change in my outlook is that now I no longer think about all the things I miss about being a teacher, because I will always miss being in the classroom. Instead, I focus on the many things I have gained in my new life, most of which would never have happened if I was still working. 

I never would have pulled over to catch this view when I was still working, but now I do!

I never would have pulled over to catch this view when I was still working, but now I do!

The relationships with my “formers” has shifted, but in a good way. It’s pretty liberating for me to get to know these amazing kids without the established confines of a classroom. We still function very much in the manner of mentor/protege, but it’s more personal now. These kids make my life complete and if I had never been a teacher I would never have met them.  

Just some of the former students that make me beam with pride!

Just some of the former students that make me beam with pride!

Also since retiring, I am more grounded. I understand that there is a balance in life, and without it, nothing is enjoyable. When I was working, I was resentful that I never felt like I could take time to do fun things with loved ones, and when I was with my loved ones, I constantly thought about work. Now, I am present in every moment, and I treasure the times I spend with the people I love. I spend more quality time with my family and friends, because I give them my complete attention when we are together. 

The best reason for being fully present and savoring every moment: my nephew, Luke.

The best reason for being fully present and savoring every moment: my nephew, Luke.

When I stopped working, I made a commitment to myself. When I was still teaching, my gym time was inconsistent at best. Now I make time to exercise and take care of myself because I understand what an important role it plays in my life (present and future!), mentally as well as physically. Maintaining a schedule makes me feel good, and I know that I’m controlling what I can. 

Teachers who retire at the end of the school year often comment that it doesn’t feel real to them until September, and I agree. I’m sure you remember Jane, right? Well she is right there, right now. She has been dreaming about this moment for the past few years, and here we are. Both of us are too young to be retired, and both of us realize how lucky  we are to be here. We don’t take anything for granted, and we both worked insanely hard to be in this position. One of the best parts about being retired (even though it wasn’t on my terms) is getting to hang out with my bestie pretty much whenever I want. I remember one day over spring break when I got to spend a rare day with Jane. We didn’t do anything special or out of the ordinary, and it most definitely included a diner (and probably bacon!). But we had a great day together nonetheless.  Later on that night, we were texting and I told her what a fun day I had. She said that she did, too, and that it was good practice for the summer. I corrected her, telling her that was not just practice for the summer, but that it was practice for forever! Now that Jane is retired, I don’t think life could be more perfect. 

In one year, I have gone from my lowest point to the top of the world. The view from up here is pretty great, and I think I’m going to stay here for a while! 

Not a bad view, right?

Not a bad view, right?