Monthly Archives: November 2018

Thanksgiving

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This year, for the first time in many, many years, Bru and I did not spend Thanksgiving with his family. For so many years we separated on Thanksgiving, and he went to his family while I went to mine. When we started spending the day together finally, it hit home that we deserve to be together on Thanksgiving since he is my chosen family who I vowed to spend the rest of my life with.

This year, in addition to Thanksgiving, it happened to be my stepmom’s 70th birthday. My dad wanted to surprise her by bringing all the kids and grandkids to Florida as a surprise. If I’m being honest, the stress of traveling at the busiest time of the year had me wrapped up in my own head and I couldn’t really look forward to the weekend until we actually got there. One thing I did (which I have never done before) was take advantage of handicap services at the airport since crowds of people make me anxious and off balance. It was such a pleasant experience that I will never again not take advantage of those services when I travel. It’s like the royal treatment… we flew through security like nothing on both ends, and everyone who assisted us was so incredibly awesome.

Originally our flights were all scheduled to arrive within an hour of each other, and a van was due to be waiting for us to drive us the two hours from Miami to Duck Key, where the festivities were being held. While Bruce and I arrived without incident, my step-siblings and their children had a disaster of a time getting there. They were delayed multiple times and finally arrived at the resort at around 10 pm. Meanwhile, Bruce, my sister, her husband, and I spent hours trying to avoid spoiling the surprise while we waited for the remaining eight of us to arrive. This was not an easy feat considering that our rooms were all in a row.

My dad was stressing out because he SO wanted this to be a true surprise for my Mama C (the loving nickname she is known by to me), and the late arrival of the majority was killing him! But, when they arrived (exhausted and starving after a full day of travel), we all donned our party hats and noise makers and headed straight to their room. We knocked on the door, and when asked who was there, “room service” was the response. She slowly and cautiously opened the door, and was truly confused at the 12 of us rushing the room. Once she understood that this was the surprise so carefully executed by my dad, she was elated. She said it was a dream come true.

Spending the holiday (and this special birthday) with this side of my family was something I will never forget. Mama C was glowing the whole time, surrounded by the ones she loves most, and I was reminded of how much I love and appreciate the family I have even though we don’t often see each other. My step-nephews are turning into amazing young men, who are fun, respectful, easy to talk to, and kept us laughing constantly. My step-brother and sister-in-law, and my step-sister are loving and kind, and it reminded me of how well we bonded from the first day we met.

Although I know realistically that we can’t always do something this special as a family, I’m still riding the high from a weekend that was very special. I came home with a full heart and a renewed spirit. I was reminded of the love that exists in this family despite the distance between us. It was a gift that I will never forget, even though the intended recipient was my Mama C. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are and we need a little reminder.

Thanks, Dad! You outdid yourself and I think I speak for everyone when I say that together we made memories that will last a lifetime!

Giving Thanks

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As we head towards Thanksgiving this week, I am feeling a need to talk about gratitude. Most people don’t think enough about how many blessings they have in their lives because they focus too much on the daily humdrum of life. It is much easier to focus on negativity when it sometimes does take more effort to open your eyes to all the beautiful things that are right in front of you. I live my life, acknowledging my gratitude twice daily: morning and night (through journaling), making a conscious decision to do so. In honor of this month of gratitude, here are 30 (thirty!) things for which I am grateful, and believe me, I could list about a gazillion more than what’s here:

(Aside from the first one, listed in no particular order!)

Photo Credit: Idalia Photography

1. Bruce: my other half, my partner in crime, my best friend, my husband, my fiancée. He never wavers, and he has taught me how to love purely, and with all that I have. No matter what obstacles life throws our way, we conquer them together. We do everything the way we choose, and we don’t apologize for the uniqueness of our relationship. We don’t conform to societal norms, and I wouldn’t have it (or him) any other way.

2. A roof over my head, food in my fridge, and love in my heart. These all go together because we had to live in a hotel for five months while our home was being built, and I can never take for granted how it feels to be home. We spent plenty of our younger “hungry years”  food shopping at my mother-in-law’s pantry, and now we have a well-stocked fridge and pantry, and even when we neglect the food shopping, there is still always enough to make a simple meal. And love because no matter where Bruce and I live, there is always love in my heart.

3. Autumn in NJ. There is nothing more beautiful than the palette of oranges, reds, and golds that naturally decorate our environment, even on years when they say it’s a bad season for foliage. Sometimes I wish I could pull my car over even in the worst of places because the view is that beautiful. The fall also reminds me that I survived another summer (despite severe heat intolerance thanks to MS) and that the coziness of winter is imminent.

4. Every single day when I can put my two feet on the floor and walk unassisted. I work hard to stay strong, and after 15 (+) years with MS, this is something that I am truly grateful for. (Don’t ask me about going up and down steps though!)

5. Yoga. It has taught me to connect my mind, body, and spirit. As much as my lack of balance can make things difficult, I like the challenge, and I never give up. Walk into my house almost any day of the week and you’ll see my mat, evidence that I am constantly practicing. Plus it has given me a whole new family, who are like-minded and supportive beyond belief.

6. My family (steps and all!). They are spread all over the east coast, but their support is felt from all corners.

7. I feel a special sense of gratitude for my sister, Lorri, and my brother-in-law, Ken. They have been by my side (literally) through all the ups and downs. My sister was there with me the day I found out I had cancer, and both of them were there the day I celebrated the end of my cancer treatment and they witnessed me ringing the gong to symbolize the end of that particular journey for me.

8. My Rankin family. For almost 24 years they have loved and supported me without question. And because I am a Rankin I have been blessed with a little sister and a nephew, both of whom I absolutely adore.

9. My MS family. This motley crew of crazies is essential to my mental health. Although support from family and friends is great, nothing replaces this group who can truly understand the challenges that I face every single day.

10. Living in this day and age where there are treatment options for MS patients to help slow down illness progression, giving us all a better quality of life. While I don’t think I’ll see a cure in my lifetime, as long as they continue to find more treatments for us, my gratitude is infinite.

11. My fur babies, past and present. Rescuing these poor pups that never would have been adopted otherwise has added so much joy to my life, and although it’s heart-breaking when I lose one, the happiness they bring on a daily basis is worth it.

12. Diane, my trainer. In addition to working me out, she has become a trusted friend, who I consider family. She plays many roles for me: cheerleader, therapist, trainer, sister, and friend. She has helped me change both my body and my mind, and for that alone I am eternally grateful. She knows what I need when I need it, and words can’t describe how important she is to me.

13. My volunteer job at Marty’s Place Senior Dog Sanctuary. The “residents” are so loving, and I have met so many other like-minded individuals in both the many other volunteers I have met there, as well as in the very skeleton crew of paid employees. They never waste an opportunity to thank the volunteers and to let us know how important we are in the daily upkeep of this extremely special place.

14. Having taken my cancer diagnosis and used it to build more inner strength.  Today I can look back at the beginning of my journey, knowing that I faced it head on, with a smile on my face…and kicked ass.

15. Being proactive in my medical care, knowing how to use the tools at my disposal and sift out the fluff to understand the meat. I’m not afraid to advocate for myself, and I can do it without getting angry.

16. Having learned to listen to my body, and to understand what it needs and when it needs it. I know when I am over-tired and need rest, and I know when I can push through. I know when I have a gut feeling, I need to listen to it, and I’m grateful that I have learned this lesson.

17. My former students, near and far, who continue to play such an important role in my life. They help me to see the good in others as I watch them blossom as adults, doing amazing things. They make me happy just thinking about how far they have come, and they fill my heart up with endless amounts of pride.

18. Meditation, specifically Transcendental Meditation (TM). Through the process of learning TM, I am generally a more self-aware, calmer version of the person I used to be. TM allows me to settle my mind and give myself those 20 precious minutes of clarity.

19. Air conditioning. It sounds trivial, but when you suffer from heat intolerance due to MS (and you lose your vision when overheated), it takes on new meaning… especially when you live in NJ where the summer months bring what feels like never-ending heat and oppressive humidity. Also, the curly girl in me appreciates the AC as well, but for completely different reasons!

20. On-line shopping. Being that crowds make me anxious (mostly because I can’t feel my feet which throws my balance off), being able to still do my holiday shopping on my own, without fear of walking into people (or things) and embarrassing myself, helps me maintain my independence.

21. Social media. How else could I have reconnected and stayed in contact with so many amazing people from so many different aspects of my life? (Pssst: if you don’t see me on Facebook, it simply means that things got too political for me and I took a little break, but you will always see me on Instagram!).

22. Photography. This little hobby of mine has given me friendships with some pretty spectacular people. I never knew I could feel such a strong connection with friends simply because of a shared passion!

23. My forever friend, MHP, for always ALWAYS loving me. We don’t live ten minutes from each other like when we were younger, but it doesn’t matter. She is forever in my heart and no matter how long we go in between visits, it’s always like no time has passed at all.

24. My chocolate sister and dear friend, FS. She is one of the only former co-workers who remains a constant in my life. Since well before I stopped working, we have had our twice monthly “meetings” to make sure that we keep current with each other’s lives. I can’t imagine my life without her and I will never be able to adequately express to her how much she means to me.

25. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and On-Demand. Being able to watch anything we want so quickly, without having to go out to the movies is the best. Aside from the germaphobe in me who gets grossed out by sitting in chairs that who knows what kind of person sat in last, the MS patient in me appreciates not having to choose the right moment to go to the bathroom without fear of tripping in the dark. At home I can press “pause” as many times as I need to!

26. Having chosen a profession and worked long enough to earn disability retirement so that I could collect my pension early, allowing me to take care of myself and my illness, and still contribute to the household bills.

27. The families of former students who have brought me into the loving fold of their own families because of the relationships we established so many years ago. It’s hugely validating to me, not just as a former teacher, but also as a human being. All I did was love their kids and help them to succeed, but that’s all I had to do, apparently. I’m so thankful to feel so loved.

28. Coffee. And certain medications. When chronic fatigue rules your life, you must give thanks for anything that helps you push through the day, whether prescribed by a doctor or otherwise.

29. Texting. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me to have a full conversation over the phone, and texting allows me to check in with (or be checked in on by) friends and family, with less effort expended. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to loved ones, but sometimes, I simply do not have enough energy.

30. I am grateful for this life I’m living. It’s not perfect, nor is it what I envisioned for me and Bru, but it’s the only life I have been given. Despite the obvious, our life is perfectly imperfect, and overcoming so much together only makes it that much sweeter.

So there you have it. With very little thought, I have listed a whole month’s worth of people and/or things for which I am eternally grateful. I’m not saying that you need to physically acknowledge your gratitude twice daily like I do, but I am saying that if you start and end your day with gratitude, there’s no way that you will be able to fixate on any negativity that arises during the day. We all deal with stress in our lives, and I have found the best way to counteract stress and negativity is by focusing on gratitude. I dare you to try it. You’ll be amazed at how differently you view your world. So tell me… What are you thankful for?

Headstands For Hunger

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Recently, my fellow yoga teachers in training, our instructor, and an alum of this YTT (that I am LOVING!) decided to do some Karma Yoga. Many forms of yoga don’t include an actual physical yoga practice, and Karma Yoga is the path of service. This annual event supports our local community by collecting money (as well as food) for both humans and animals.  It’s a dog-friendly event which takes place at a ginormous venue: the Asbury Park Convention Hall.

We got there early because we were volunteering at the event. We also brought with us a decent amount of both human and pet food, as well as our financial contribution so that we could also take the class.  Wherever we were needed was where we went. It didn’t seem like a huge deal to us, but it made a big difference to the event organizer who felt comfortable enough to lean on us and put us to work. And that’s really the point. I mean, it was such a small thing that we did, and it benefitted so many living beings in our local community. I think it’s important for everyone to remember (especially at this time of the year) that no matter how small your act of kindness is, the effect is far bigger than you realize. It doesn’t take much to help others in need, and no matter how much (or how little) you have, there are always people worse off than you, and doing for others definitely gives you a certain warmth that has nothing to do with the temperature outside.

My beautiful gypsy soul sisters waiting for the practice to begin.

I was amazed at how many people from the local yoga community came out to support this event on a chilly Sunday morning in November. The energy of the room was amazing, with yogis ranging from super-advanced, all the way to some who had never done any yoga ever. At this dog-friendly event, they roamed freely as we practiced.  Several teachers traded off at the microphone, each taking a part of the 90 minute practice. There were vendors of all sorts, ranging from jewelry, to clothing, tarot card readers, and even a photo booth. In sum, this day had something to offer every single person there, and every single person there made the choice to give to the greater good just by being there.

By far the best part of the day, though, was getting to spend quality time with my Gypsy Soul Sisters. Usually when we are together, we are either practicing or else doing the hard core studying and learning that is the biggest part of Yoga Teacher Training. But here, after volunteering and then practicing, we got to spend real time together. We walked around Asbury, did a little shopping at the outdoor Farmer’s Market, and had a delicious meal together. Getting all of us together outside of the confines of our usual learning environment was very special. I feel so blessed to have these women in my life because they all radiate love, light, and positivity… even the one who is a self-proclaimed curmudgeon. (Shout out, Liz!)

Does she look like a curmudgeon to you?

It’s so liberating to be authentically me without worrying that I’ll be judged because we are all like-minded and open to learning, even from each other. We are all just trying to be the best versions of ourselves as we can, and it’s so much easier when you are lifted up by the people around you. For me, this comes more often, because I have physical challenges that the other girls don’t have (not to mention that I’m way older than they are) yet they always encourage me and around them I am never made to feel like I’m inferior somehow. In fact, they praise what I can do, and make me see that there is absolutely no reason why I can’t be as good (or better) an instructor as anyone else once my training is done.

I could go on forever about this group of women, because I love each and every one of them, but before I get too side-tracked, I want to go back to the Karma Yoga. You see what happens often times is that you do something nice, and while helping someone else, you don’t realize how good it makes you feel so it’s really a win/win situation. It reminds me of a quote I love by Barbara DeAngelis that goes like this:

“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.”

Yes, yes, and yes! Amen.

Photo booth fun… when the photographer tells you to get closer together, this is what you do.

 

Autumn

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Traditionally this has always been my favorite time of the year. If it seems like this entry is late to be talking about the fall, that’s because it feel like it came so late this year! In fact, it seems to arrived just in the last week here in NJ, and I have been eagerly awaiting it. There is nothing I love more than the cool summer nights because it’s a sign from Mother Nature that autumn is approaching. I am constantly awestruck by the beauty of the fall. I love the colors of the leaves turning. I love the crisp fall wind. I love the faint smell of fireplaces warming up chilly homes. I love the sound of the rustling leaves. I love wearing hoodies and Uggs. In my past life, I loved the excitement of a new school year, because one of the greatest things about being a teacher is getting a fresh start every single year.

How could I not love a season that offers this much beauty?

When I was little, I eagerly prepared for the beginning of school. I carefully assembled my binder, making sure that each subject had the exact same number of loose-leaf pages. I had my pencil case stuffed to the max with every single color pen, pencils, highlighters, and whiteout. I could spend hours roaming around the school supplies aisles anywhere I went, just to make sure I had everything I could possibly need. I even did the same thing this year as I prepared to be a student once again, this time in Yoga Teacher Training! This excitement continued for me through my college years, and eventually through all my teaching years. I spent dollars upon dollars making sure I would have a well-stocked, beautifully decorated classroom. I spent many days prior to the contractual school year preparing my classroom so that my new batch of students would feel welcomed on day one.

This was my home for many years, and now my world is so much larger than this one classroom.

These days,  I am more at peace during this time of year than ever before. Obviously I still love everything about this time of the year, but every year I feel less and less nostalgic about the one piece that is missing for me. My teacher friends are back in school mode, dealing with more stress than ever, and although I don’t wish it for them, I am grateful that it isn’t me. On the one hand, I ache for the days when I was anticipating the new school year. It’s a strange combination of excitement and apprehension, but I always found it exhilarating. But, on the other hand, I have this new life that I have settled into, that is so very fulfilling without a fraction of the stress that is so unfairly placed upon educators.I still get to enjoy the colors of the season. I still get to enjoy the fall wind. I still get to enjoy the faint smell of fireplaces. I still get to enjoy the sound of rustling leaves. I still get to enjoy wearing hoodies and Uggs, and even more so now that I don’t have to comply with a dress code that does not include those items! But instead of looking forward to a new school year, I look forward to new traditions. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I love and appreciate my favorite parts of the fall even more now that I get to take the time to be fully present in the here and now. Everything seems more beautiful to me now because I take the time to truly embrace the simple pleasures in life. I even get to spend quality time with my loved ones whenever I want, even though school has started because I no longer wear those blinders that kept me focused on one thing, and one thing only: my job. Bruce and I have started a new tradition the last few years by vacationing towards the end of September because it’s such a great time to head north to our favorite spot in Vermont. Taking a vacation whenever I want? It was not even a possibility in my old life. Even four years later, I still feel like such a rebel!

Even in the rain, I stop to appreciate the beauty.