Monthly Archives: December 2019

Happy Holidays!

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My Dear Readers,

It’s that time of year again, when I take a little blog-cation so that I can be fully present with my loved ones during this season full of love and gratitude, and I hope you will do the same. I wish you all the joys of the season: warm hearts, full bellies, and the ability to truly enjoy the precious gift of time that we are given with our loved ones, because we all know that these wonderfully special moments fly by in the blink of an eye.

I’d also like to thank you, my loyal readers for making my writing worthwhile. As long as you keep reading and sharing, I’ll always keep putting more content out there for you. After all, we are all in this together!

I’ll be back on January 7, 2020 but in the meantime, eat, drink, and be merry! Cheers

Time

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This week, I bring you a special entry by my favorite guest blogger, my other half, my partner in crime, my best friend: Bruce. I can’t think of a better way to close out my 2019 blogging season, as I will be taking off as usual to be fully present with my loved ones during the holidays. But not to worry! I’ll be back with fresh content for you on January 7, 2020. Wishing all my readers a sweet holiday season full of love, happiness, and good health. Without further ado, I present this piece (which I happen to love!), written by Bruce. Enjoy!

Time is a funny thing. Moments from decades ago can seem as if they happened just yesterday, while recent events are easily forgotten and lost forever. It’s also strange how time gets away from you, and before you know it you’re on the verge of 50…and your life is totally different from how you remembered it.

My fascination with time, and the passage of it is nothing new. Ren always thinks I’m nuts when I bring up seemingly unimportant facts about the date, or what we were doing on the same day in a random year. But this year makes me think even more about the past, and how much has happened over time…because this week (on December 15th) Ren and I celebrated 25 years together. It’s a long time for any couple, but when you stop to consider that we were both just 22 when we started dating it makes the quarter of a century that’s passed since that day even more astonishing.

Two young kids who had no idea what the future held for them….

We were just kids when we met at 18 years old, and still were when we got together at 22…even if we both thought we were all grown up. Our naïveté could never have prepared us for everything we would face together now that we were a team, but our combined strength and tenacity kept us moving forward. Whether it was Ren’s numerous health issues (MS, spinal fusion, breast cancer, diabetes, among others), our job/career changes, or the deaths of family members and friends (including my father and grandmother just this year) we always seemed to come out of things stronger. Our resolve to make things right and enjoy our lives together always being the most important thing to both of us. And amazingly where many other couples fold under the stress of just life in general, our relationship grew closer as our need for each other was fortified.

Twenty-five years is a long time, and there’s no way either of us could have imagined in 1994 what our lives would be like in the far flung future of 2019. Would we still be together? Would we even still know each other? Would there be flying cars in the 21st century? There was no way of knowing for sure. Instead, we took our relationship day by day. Never giving up on the other or on us as a couple. What made everything work even when we were met with what seemed like insurmountable obstacles? Who knows? But the strong friendship we forged as teenagers probably had a lot to do with it. We were, and still are each other’s best friend. And no amount of time can change that. I guess you could say we’re stuck with each other. Which isn’t such a bad thing, is it?

25 years (minus 1 day in this photo) together…

Holidays

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For most people, the holiday season brings an onslaught of joy and excitement, more than any other time of the year. The malls and stores are alive with crowds of shoppers, all looking to take advantage of the best bargains. Little ones start writing their letters to Santa or lists of things they hope they’ll get this year. Families start preparing the holiday menus and guest lists in anticipation of the gatherings soon to come. It is a magical time of the year, and just like many others, I used to get wrapped up in the madness, too.

We are a little late this year… the tree is up, but no decorations or ornaments yet. No stress though! We will get there when we get there!

But that was in my past life. Although I absolutely love the spirit of the season, I do not experience the same joy as I used to. When I was younger (and healthier), I thought I was able to fully relish in all the precious moments as they happened. But these days, Multiple Sclerosis (my not-so-welcome silent partner) turns all the things I used to adore into plain old stress. How so? Stay tuned as I try to explain.

Once upon a time, I used to start my holiday shopping in August and September. I’d pick gifts up here and there as I saw things that I knew my family and friends would appreciate. I’d meander through the mall, or browse little shops looking for the perfect presents for everyone. I must admit that I never shopped in December, mostly because (prior to my second career as a teacher) I was a retail manager, and once December hit, I’d be working 80 hours a week. These days, I never browse in a store. I can’t. My legs start to tremble and ache after only a short amount of time. I don’t do well in crowds or tight spaces because my balance, which is already horrible, becomes much, much worse. I am incredibly unsteady on my feet and can be knocked over just by having people walk around or near me. I never know when a wave of fatigue will wrap itself around me leaving me unable to move. If I survive all that, then there is the issue of walking back to my car and getting myself home. There is nothing pleasurable about this experience!

Two imperfect halves of one perfect whole.

As much as I adore spending time with my loved ones during the holiday season, it isn’t the same as it used to be. Now I have to pick and choose the events that I can attend, because I just can’t do it all. Consequently, I have to deal with the reactions of friends and family who notice that I am “conspicuously absent”, and assume that I am gladly so. In all actuality I’d much rather be spending that time with everyone than the alternative, which is me unable to move a muscle because of the crippling effects of MS. At times I can “power through”, but with so much activity during this busy time, the effects are cumulative and my body can only tolerate so much. This can be difficult for others to understand. Many say they get it until I am “conspicuously absent” from one of their events! But the truth of the matter is that I no longer feel the need to justify my absences to anyone. It’s quite liberating.

Bruce has taught me to take care of myself before all others, and it makes me a better partner, friend, and family member.

So what does this mean for me, and my life with MS? It’s a lesson I have learned the hard way, and we can all benefit from what I’ve learned. This theme is present in almost every one of my blog entries, if not all of them. There is nothing more precious to me than time spent with the ones I love. It has taken me a lot to get to this point, but I fully enjoy the moments that I spend with them. Of course I wish I were still in my element, in my little nook in room B110 at Freehold High School. I’ll miss it forever. But the perspective I’ve gained since leaving my job is worth so much more now because I can see beyond my classroom to what is really important. So put the thoughts of work aside, turn off those smartphones, and focus on the here and now. Ever since I learned to do this, the special moments in my life have been much sweeter. Instead of just going through the motions, I’m actually living my life the way we are intended to. My smiles are wider, my laughter is more genuine, my heart is full, and my tears are fewer. It’s a hard-learned lesson that I never could have learned sooner than I did, but it has completely changed my life.

As long as Bruce is by my side, the holidays are always filled with love.

Grateful

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Considering that Thanksgiving was last week, I am feeling a need to talk about gratitude. Most people don’t think enough about how many blessings they have in their lives because they focus too much on the daily humdrum of life. It is much easier to focus on negativity when it sometimes does take more effort to open your eyes to all the beautiful things that are right in front of you. I live my life, acknowledging my gratitude twice daily: morning and night (through journaling), making a conscious decision to do so. In honor of this month of gratitude, here are 30 (thirty!) things for which I am grateful, and believe me, I could list about a gazillion more than what’s here:

(Aside from the first one, listed in no particular order!)

1. Bruce: my other half, my partner in crime, my best friend, my husband, my fiancée. He never wavers, and he has taught me how to love purely, and with all that I have. No matter what obstacles life throws our way, we conquer them together. We do everything the way we choose, and we don’t apologize for the uniqueness of our relationship. We don’t conform to societal norms, and I wouldn’t have it (or him) any other way.

#loml

2. A roof over my head, food in my fridge, and love in my heart. These all go together because we had to live in a hotel for five months while our home was being built, and I can never take for granted how it feels to be home. We spent plenty of our younger “hungry years”  food shopping at my mother-in-law’s pantry, and now we have a well-stocked fridge and pantry, and even when we neglect the food shopping, there is still always enough to make a simple meal. And love because no matter where Bruce and I live, there is always love in my heart.

3. Autumn in NJ. There is nothing more beautiful than the palette of oranges, reds, and golds that naturally decorate our environment, even on years when they say it’s a bad season for foliage. Sometimes I wish I could pull my car over even in the worst of places because the view is that beautiful. The fall also reminds me that I survived another summer (despite severe heat intolerance thanks to MS) and that the coziness of winter is imminent.

4. Every single day when I can put my two feet on the floor and walk unassisted. I work hard to stay strong, and after 16 (+) years with MS, this is something that I am truly grateful for. (Don’t ask me about going up and down steps though!)

5. Yoga. It has taught me to connect my mind, body, and spirit. As much as my lack of balance can make things difficult, I like the challenge, and I never give up. Walk into my house almost any day of the week and you’ll see my mat, evidence that I am constantly practicing. Plus it has given me a whole new family, who are like-minded and supportive beyond belief.

6. My family (steps and all!). They are spread all over the east coast, but their support is felt from all corners.

7. I feel a special sense of gratitude for my sister, Lorri, and my brother-in-law, Ken. They have been by my side (literally) through all the ups and downs. My sister was there with me the day I found out I had cancer, and both of them were there the day I celebrated the end of my cancer treatment and they witnessed me ringing the gong to symbolize the end of that particular journey for me.

8. My Rankin family. For almost 25 years they have loved and supported me without question. And because I am a Rankin I have been blessed with a little sister and a nephew, both of whom I absolutely adore.

My Rankin family.

9. My MS family. This motley crew of crazies is essential to my mental health. Although support from family and friends is great, nothing replaces this group who can truly understand the challenges that I face every single day.

MS family.

10. Living in this day and age where there are treatment options for MS patients to help slow down illness progression, giving us all a better quality of life. While I don’t think I’ll see a cure in my lifetime, as long as they continue to find more treatments for us, my gratitude is infinite.

Thankful for this treatment option!

11. My fur babies, past and present. Rescuing these poor pups that never would have been adopted otherwise has added so much joy to my life, and although it’s heart-breaking when I lose one, the happiness they bring on a daily basis is worth it.

My current babies.

12. Diane, my trainer. In addition to working me out, she has become a trusted friend, who I consider family. She plays many roles for me: cheerleader, therapist, trainer, sister, and friend. She has helped me change both my body and my mind, and for that alone I am eternally grateful. She knows what I need when I need it, and words can’t describe how important she is to me.

The best of the best.

13. My volunteer job at Marty’s Place Senior Dog Sanctuary. The “residents” are so loving, and I have met so many other like-minded individuals in both the many other volunteers I have met there, as well as in the very skeleton crew of paid employees. They never waste an opportunity to thank the volunteers and to let us know how important we are in the daily upkeep of this extremely special place.

Uno and Wendy hanging out in the family room.

14. Having taken my cancer diagnosis and used it to build more inner strength.  Today I can look back at the beginning of my journey, knowing that I faced it head on, with a smile on my face…and kicked ass.

15. Being proactive in my medical care, knowing how to use the tools at my disposal and sift out the fluff to understand the meat. I’m not afraid to advocate for myself, and I can do it without getting angry.

16. Having learned to listen to my body, and to understand what it needs and when it needs it. I know when I am over-tired and need rest, and I know when I can push through. I know when I have a gut feeling, I need to listen to it, and I’m grateful that I have learned this lesson.

17. My former students, near and far, who continue to play such an important role in my life. They help me to see the good in others as I watch them blossom as adults, doing amazing things. They make me happy just thinking about how far they have come, and they fill my heart up with endless amounts of pride.

Just a sampling of some of my formers who all make my life complete, even those not pictured.

18. Meditation, specifically Transcendental Meditation (TM). Through the process of learning TM, I am generally a more self-aware, calmer version of the person I used to be. TM allows me to settle my mind and give myself those 20 precious minutes of clarity.

Mala beads and mantra meditation.

19. Air conditioning. It sounds trivial, but when you suffer from heat intolerance due to MS (and you lose your vision when overheated), it takes on new meaning… especially when you live in NJ where the summer months bring what feels like never-ending heat and oppressive humidity. Also, the curly girl in me appreciates the AC as well, but for completely different reasons!

20. On-line shopping. Being that crowds make me anxious (mostly because I can’t feel my feet which throws my balance off), being able to still do my holiday shopping on my own, without fear of walking into people (or things) and embarrassing myself, helps me maintain my independence.

21. Social media. How else could I have reconnected and stayed in contact with so many amazing people from so many different aspects of my life? (Pssst: if you don’t see me on Facebook, it simply means that things got too political for me and I took a little break, but you will always see me on Instagram!).

22. Photography. This little hobby of mine has given me friendships with some pretty spectacular people. I never knew I could feel such a strong connection with friends simply because of a shared passion! I also am grateful that my photography hobby has taught me to see beauty worthy of being photographed everywhere I go.

23. My forever friend, MHP, for always ALWAYS loving me. We don’t live ten minutes from each other like when we were younger, but it doesn’t matter. She is forever in my heart and no matter how long we go in between visits, it’s always like no time has passed at all.

My beautiful (and bad-ass) forever friend.

24. My chocolate sister and dear friend, FS. She is the only former co-worker who remains a constant in my life. Since well before I stopped working, we have had our twice monthly “meetings” to make sure that we keep current with each other’s lives. I can’t imagine my life without her and I will never be able to adequately express to her how much she means to me.

My chocolate sister…

25. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and On-Demand. Being able to watch anything we want so quickly, without having to go out to the movies is the best. Aside from the germaphobe in me who gets grossed out by sitting in chairs that who knows what kind of person sat in last, the MS patient in me appreciates not having to choose the right moment to go to the bathroom without fear of tripping in the dark. At home I can press “pause” as many times as I need to!

26. Having chosen a profession and worked long enough to earn disability retirement so that I could collect my pension early, allowing me to take care of myself and my illness, and still contribute to the household bills.

27. The families of former students who have brought me into the loving fold of their own families because of the relationships we established so many years ago. It’s hugely validating to me, not just as a former teacher, but also as a human being. All I did was love their kids and help them to succeed, but that’s all I had to do, apparently. I’m so thankful to feel so loved.

28. Coffee. And certain medications. When chronic fatigue rules your life, you must give thanks for anything that helps you push through the day, whether prescribed by a doctor or otherwise.

29. Texting. Sometimes I just don’t have it in me to have a full conversation over the phone, and texting allows me to check in with (or be checked in on by) friends and family, with less effort expended. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to loved ones, but sometimes, I simply do not have enough energy.

30. I am grateful for this life I’m living. It’s not perfect, nor is it what I envisioned for me and Bru, but it’s the only life I have been given. Despite the obvious, my life with Bruce is perfectly imperfect, and overcoming so much together only makes it that much sweeter.

So there you have it. With very little thought, I have listed a whole month’s worth of people and/or things for which I am eternally grateful. I’m not saying that you need to physically acknowledge your gratitude twice daily like I do, but I am saying that if you start and end your day with gratitude, there’s no way that you will be able to fixate on any negativity that arises during the day. We all deal with stress in our lives, and I have found the best way to counteract stress and negativity is by focusing on gratitude. I dare you to try it. You’ll be amazed at how differently you view your world. So tell me… What are you thankful for?