I’m spending the holidays with family and friends, and I hope that you are too. I wish you all the joys of the season: warm hearts, full bellies, and the ability to be fully present and enjoy everything, because we all know that these beautiful moments together go by in the blink of an eye! I’ll be back with more content after the holidays. Thanks for continuing to read what I put out there!
This week, Bruce and I celebrated a very important anniversary. It’s a special one that we recognize, and it’s not the day on which we were married. To understand how important this anniversary is, it is first necessary to understand our past.
Bruce and I met when we were 18 years old. As freshmen in college, we had mutual friends and we were introduced at a party in a friend’s dorm room. We played trivial pursuit: Bruce against everyone else. He won. Having friends in common meant we spent a lot of time together, and then we all moved into the same dorm when we were sophomores.
We always had a connection. We had such a great time together, and it didn’t take long for him to become one of my favorite people. I knew he wanted more than friendship but I was not there yet. But we ate practically every meal together, and spent a ton of time together, because we just had that much fun together.
Through our years in college there were a few false starts to our relationship, but Bruce never gave up on me even though most guys probably would have. He watched me go out with other guys, and despite the fact that it killed him inside, his friendship never wavered.
Fast forward four and a half years. Bruce had already graduated, while I was just finishing my “super senior” semester. Somehow things started to feel different between us, but in a good way. Finally, we were off to the races!
For as long as Bruce wanted to be with me and he couldn’t, I waited equally as long for him to be ready to move in together and get married. By the time we had our Las Vegas wedding, we had already been in each other’s lives for almost ten years. The marriage ceremony was merely a formality, and although we recognize our wedding anniversary, we don’t feel as though it’s truly our anniversary. Our history definitely supports that feeling.
Celebrating our 21st anniversary together was pretty surreal. Bruce pointed out that next year, we will have been together for exactly half our lives. I still trying to wrap my mind around that one. He also commented that if our relationship was a person, it would be old enough to drink legally. He always points out things like that. It’s one of the many qualities I love about him!
I feel incredibly lucky that Bruce has stayed the course with me. Before I was diagnosed with MS, our marriage was not doing well at all. Neither one of us was sure that our relationship would last much longer. When I suddenly started having bizarre symptoms just three years into our marriage, we gained a whole new perspective. The fighting stopped as suddenly as the symptoms started. The little things that had bothered us before no longer mattered. The only thing that mattered as I began the months of doctor’s appointments and tests, was that we were in this together. The person who was the utmost pessimist became an optimist. The guy who was more often negative than not became my cheerleader. The man with no ambition became motivated to help me fight. The dude that had the lowest self esteem ever became my hero.
He still is. He could have walked away, just as so many others do when the chips are down. This is not exactly the life he signed up for. He didn’t know that he’d be tested so early on where “in sickness and in health” was concerned. But he never questioned us or our relationship. In fact, those horrible and scary times when I was waiting for my diagnosis only made our relationship stronger. The longer we fight MS together, the stronger our relationship becomes.
People think that our relationship is strange because we don’t fight. What’s to fight about? I get to spend my life with my perfect partner who supports me 100%, who has educated himself about my illness, and who makes me feel loved every single minute of every single day. I win.
This week, I did something I have never done before. I attended a town council meeting. It wasn’t because I was feeling particularly civic-minded, but rather because I am passionate about a cause.
In central New Jersey, there are very few towns that have actual “downtown” areas where people can go to walk around, browse in shops, or maybe stop for a bite to eat at a cute little restaurant. I’m sure I’m not the only one who loves that whole vibe. In fact, I’m excited that my own town is developing a “city center” very much like what I have described.
There is a proposal for a city center much like what I described above. Except more. And better. It will include a movie theater, a grocery store, an amphitheater that converts into an ice rink, and much more. It is a privately funded project that will also include road improvements to the long problematic intersection where the property is located. If this already sounds like a win/win situation, allow me to share the most exciting part: the developer has an amazing passion for curing MS and his vision also includes a Brain Research Center for MS with a comprehensive wellness component of exercise, nutrition, and a multitude of other programs for MS patients. In simple terms, he hopes to keep us strong until he can find a cure. Additionally, there will be affordable housing that is handicap accessible, not only for MS patients, but also those who suffer other debilitating conditions, including our veterans.
This is the dais where all the important people sit.
At the meeting, I was asked to speak in favor of the project, which has already been discussed at prior meetings. To our surprise, it had been taken off the agenda for the evening, but public participation (on any township matter) is always permitted, following the agenda items. Like I said, I’ve never been to a town council meeting, but it really was just like a board of education meeting, and I’ve been to plenty of those!
In front of us on a dais, in comfortable leather chairs, sat the mayor, the deputy mayor, the town councilmen and woman, the township attorney, and the township engineer, each one with his/her own microphone. We, on the other hand, sat in the most uncomfortable of chairs, waiting patiently for our turn to speak.
I’m glad that I was there to speak, and of course after the fact I thought of how I could have done better. I was told not to prepare anything and to speak from the heart, and I did. The reason it was so easy is because my one and only Diane, the boss of the basement and the trainer of ALL trainers, will be running the wellness aspect of the proposed project. I know how she has affected my life, and the lives of all my MS family members, and when I think of how many more MS patients out there could be positively influenced by Diane’s program, it blows my mind.
I talked about the developer who has this vision, because I met him many, many years ago. Our paths have crossed multiple times at events in the MS community, and he happens to be a huge benefactor to the MS Center where I have been a patient since 2004. I thanked him for his passion and his vision on behalf of all of us. Then I said that my intentions are not just selfish ones. It might seem selfish when looking at me, wearing my MS Strong t-shirt. But the truth of the matter is, I want this for our future. I said that I am a disability retired teacher, and worked 13 of my years in their very own district. I said that there was nothing, absolutely nothing I wouldn’t (and didn’t) do for my students. When I was diagnosed, I was more concerned about their futures with this incurable illness that could plague any one of them at any time. MS does not discriminate. If I can’t be cured because of where I am in the course of my disease progression, ok, because I am keeping strong. But none of my students should have to endure this life with MS. Ever. If we can find a cure, they won’t ever have to.
As I sat down and listened to others speak, I tried to gauge how the council was leaning on the project, just as I had while I was speaking. I was prepared to see some ugly behaviors, because that’s what happened the last time the issue was discussed, and I’ve witnessed how that goes at many a school board meeting! At this meeting, however, many people spoke in favor of the project. One man even got up and said he was opposed to it at the last meeting, but he went home and did some research about it. Then he said after hearing us speak, he was completely in favor of the township moving forward with the plans. Moreover, he said they’d be making a huge mistake and doing a disservice to the community if they passed up the opportunity. I felt like giving him a standing ovation, or running over to him to give him a high five or a hug, but that isn’t an acceptable behavior in this scenario.
It was a very long night, and I know we made an impact. I like to think that I saw all of their faces soften as they listened, and certainly they were all completely engaged and open to hearing what we had to say. The mayor came up to us after, as did the deputy mayor, and the councilmen and woman, thanking us for sharing our stories and reinforcing how this would fulfill a very important need within the community.
The optimist in me believes that we are going to make this happen. A dozen of us showed up with minimal advanced notice, and we made a difference. I’m not sure how much of a difference we actually made, but all journeys begin with a single step, and I firmly believe this was a step in the right direction.
(Stay tuned because I’m pretty sure there will be more on this topic at a later date!)
When I wrote about being thankful, there was somebody incredibly important to me that I purposely did not mention, because I intended to dedicate an entire entry just to her. She has known me from the time I entered this world, and she has never left my side. That person is my sister, Lorri.
When we were kids, the four years that separate us did not help our relationship at all. We fought endlessly, and even had to be separated on car rides or in restaurants. But at the same time, I idolized her. Even though we had our share of fights, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to earn her approval. Back tucks off the dresser and onto the bed, and back handsprings in the yard (yes, we were gymnasts) with her spotting me was just one way I sought to be the “cool” little sister. Many nights I was awoken from my slumber by my sister, who wanted nothing more than to have me in her bedroom with her, and I didn’t even mind if that meant that I had to sleep on the floor, which is usually how it happened. I never told on her for the roaring parties she threw, and since I was dad’s favorite (no attempt at secrecy was ever made there!), if she wanted something she often sent me to ask on her behalf. Of course, nobody wants her little sister hanging around all the time, and I tried my hardest be understanding about that.
As we got older, the four years between us didn’t seem to matter so much anymore, and by the time she left for college, I was devastated that she went so far away just as I was beginning high school. I was constantly told by my teachers how much I looked like my sister (which made me happy), and my homeroom teacher began locking me out of the classroom (my sister had a tendency towards lateness), even though I am an early bird (which made me mad!). We talked on the phone a lot, wrote letters (there was no such thing as texting or email back then), and I sent care packages whenever I could. One time I even woke up in the middle of the night with a desperate need to talk to her, only to find out that she had cut her hand really badly and she was at the ER getting stitched up. We were about as connected as two sisters could possibly be.
As adults we became even closer. Every family has its own share of drama, and ours is no exception. But through it all, my sister has always had my back. One time when I was having bad a relapse and I was totally down in the dumps, she scooped me up for a much needed, relaxing girls’ weekend in one of our favorite places, South Beach. She always seems to know the right things to say and do in order to show her support, and that’s something I appreciate more than she will ever know.
She is the one who will always speak up on my behalf, whether I can’t do it because I just don’t have the energy, or because she can express herself so much better than I can. I get emotional and I cry, but she is strong and confident. She is definitely more evolved than I am and one of the things I love most is when she opens my eyes to help me see a situation from a point of view I can’t see because I am too embedded in it to see beyond myself.
My sister and I have very similar work ethics and passion for our work. She is an Emmy award winning TV producer (two times over!), and I never miss her shows. I’m pretty sure I’m her biggest fan, and I couldn’t be more proud of her and her many, many accomplishments.
It doesn’t hurt our relationship at all that we share a love for many of the same things in life: a delicious meal (especially tapas at our favorite place), a great glass of wine (or five), designer jeans, fun hats, curly hair care, and the list goes on and on. We connect on so many levels, and I am endlessly grateful that I was born her sister and that she became my best friend.
My big sister does so much for me in so many ways, and I’m incredibly lucky that she supports me in everything I do and all the decisions I make, even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with them. She is my own personal cheerleader, and I know that she would take away every bit of my pain and sorrow if she could (just as I would do for her).
Our lives are polar opposites in many ways, even though we have a lot in common. She is a city girl, while I’m suburban. She and her husband are always out and about, and Bruce and I are mostly homebodies (even if not always by choice). But we experience life in much the same way for many reasons. Obviously, we share our past and our family, drama and all. She is the only other person who can truly relate to me where family is concerned because my past is also hers. She and her husband are also married and only have children of the furry, four-legged variety, just like me and Bruce. These are just a few of the things that make our connection so strong.
I’m so lucky that I have such an awesome relationship with my sister and I can tell her anything, without feeling judged. Knowing that she always has my back is comforting beyond words. I have to love her because she is my sister, but I happen to really like her and I love the time we spend together.
I think this quote by Isadora James sums up how I truly feel about my sister: “A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.” Enough said.
