Monthly Archives: February 2020

Transcendental Meditation

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Some years ago, Bruce and I began talking about Transcendental Meditation, or TM. His dad learned the TM method when he was younger, and we were well aware of the many famous people who say that TM has changed their lives. We had done our research and we learned of the many benefits of TM: reduced stress, normalized blood pressure, reduced anxiety and depression, and improved brain function, not to mention inner peace. After deliberating for years, we finally decided to do it, and we have been happily meditating for about six years now.

The Beatles were WAY ahead of their time, meeting the Maharishi and learning TM directly from him.

My first impressions of the TM Center were 1) everyone was very mellow, and 2) it was really, REALLY hot in there! Yup, I was that person at the informational session who raised her hand and asked if there is air conditioning in the building. They agreed to put it on at 78 degrees (I keep mine on 64, but I can’t always have it my way!). The space is dimly lit, smells like sandalwood, and is decorated with photos and quotes from the Maharishi. The information we were given on that first night was vague, and purposely so. It left us wanting to know more! When we went home that night, we were very excited to move forward with learning TM, and we couldn’t wait to see some results. The video clip below is one that we watched at the TM Center, and it’s a pretty amazing story of an urban school that incorporates TM as part of the instructional day.

On the day of our first lesson, we showed up at the TM Center with our required flowers, sweet fruit, and clean white hankies that were a necessary part of the ritual. Bruce went with the male instructor, and I went with the female instructor. It seemed odd to me that students of TM are supposed to be taught by an instructor of the same gender. As I was learning how to meditate in one room, Bruce was learning the same in another room. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was keeping an open mind and really feeling the benefit the same as I was.

I love this Venn Diagram that was posted on the official TM FaceBook page.

When I finally saw Bruce again after we had been separated for what felt like forever, he seemed calmer and more relaxed than he had in ages. I didn’t even have to ask him how it went because it was written all over his face. His shoulders were not up by his ears anymore, and there was a visible difference in his appearance. I thought that I must have been imagining it. How could this be possible from ONE session? TM is something that has cumulative benefits, and the more regularly you practice it, the more you get out of it. In the last 6 years I have been much more dedicated to meditating than Bruce has been, but I have had weeks where I fell off. The good thing is that once I get back to the routine of it, I easily fall into that beautiful place that waits for me when I meditate.

how it works….

So let me tell you what it feels like when I meditate. I enter a magnificent space that only exists in my mind, and I am weightless. I see vibrant colors behind my eyes, but there are no real thoughts. I feel my limbs get heavy and I just enjoy the feeling of pure relaxation. TM is easy. It just happens. Stress simply melts away, and afterwards I feel totally refreshed and revitalized. I notice that even though my sleep patterns are never great (Thank you, MS!), when I am meditating regularly I sleep more deeply than when I’m not. The 20 minutes (twice a day) that I spend meditating result in lasting effects of inner peace, less stress, and truly restful sleep.

The great thing about TM is that it can be done anywhere. You don’t need anything special to practice it. It’s silent. I’ve done it on an airplane, in my car (parked, of course!), and even in the waiting area at the hospital. Obviously these are not ideal locations, but I did it. My eyes were closed, so I didn’t even see (or care) if people were looking at me funny!

I say this about myself all the time!

Any type of meditation is beneficial for us. In addition to TM, I also use apps on my phone when I’m in the mood for guided meditations, or mala beads with a mantra or affirmation when I need a little extra self-love. I am partial to TM because it is my foundation, but now I do so many different kinds of meditation, that I often refer to myself as over-meditated, which is much better than the alternative. Plus, yoga can not be truly practiced the way it was meant to be without meditation, which is one of the eight essential limbs of yoga. For me, yoga is just an extension of meditation that just happens to be a moving meditation where I consciously look inwardly and explore my body and my mind.

Of the eight limbs of yoga, only one contains the physical practice. The others teach us how to live a healthy life, ultimately attaining enlightenment.

TM is a lifetime commitment to my own inner self, and one that I am happy to make. The benefits became clear to me early on. The method is effortless, but the results are astounding. When I look at it objectively, what I know is that meditating faithfully has made me a better person on many different levels, and I am extremely pleased that we finally took that leap when we did. I wish we had started sooner, but I am a firm believer in the expression “better late than never.” If you want to address issues such as stress, anxiety, depression, and/or panic attacks, TM is a great non-pharmaceutical approach to manage those conditions. I endorse it whole-heartedly. I say go for it! What’s the worst thing that could happen? You find inner peace?

The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the father and creator of the TM method of meditation.

 

 

Newly Diagnosed

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This week someone I used to know a long time ago, who remains a Facebook friend was admitted to the hospital with symptoms that brought me back to the onset of MS symptoms that led to my diagnosis. I was not surprised when her diagnosis came, and I remember the feeling of reassurance having an actual diagnosis, combined with total and complete fear of the unknown. I’m happy that we have remained in touch enough that I felt comfortable enough to reach out to her, and she told me that she was going to reach out to me.

This image shows a healthy nerve on the left, and a nerve with the myelin sheath surrounding the nerve having been attacked by MS on the right.

I’m coming back to her later but first, let me tell you about another MS patient I know. This  other girl is someone I don’t know too well, and she’s probably 15 years younger than I am. I was asked by a mutual friend to reach out to her upon her diagnosis, which I did. But she never responded. Her social media is filled with images that include pictures of her smoking cigarettes, eating fatty, fried foods, drinking multiple coffees (that appear to be cream with a splash of coffee) a day, MS memes, etc. Never is there a post that indicates that she is doing anything within her power to make her situation better. I’ve often thought about “unfollowing” her, but I just don’t care enough to do so. This is someone who lives with Multiple Sclerosis, but has quite clearly resigned herself to the fact that she can’t improve things (even slightly) with little tiny changes!

Just some of the more common symptoms an MS patient might have to deal with.

Now back to my friend… she was still in the hospital when we began communicating over our new-found “friend” in common. She was already researching different diets and asking me questions because she is determined to live a full, happy, and healthy life despite MS. She had questions about symptoms and how to know when to push through, and when to not. We talked about treatments and relapses, and she’s trying to get a solid education because she is scheduled to see an MS specialist, which is ALWAYS an advantage if it is a realistic possibility.  She has already ordered a diet and symptom journal, which was one of my first recommendations to her. I also told her to not overdo the researching thing because the amount of information out there is vast. There are differing schools of thought, and things can be very overwhelming when you are still dealing with the actual diagnosis itself.

Questions, questions, questions. Its all a journey and some questions will never be answered.

Comparing these two women absolutely blows my mind. On the one hand, I have a woman who wants to know everything she can and do anything within her power to make the most out of the hand she’s been given. She wants to be well and intends for MS to interfere as little as humanly possible where it comes to living a fulfilling life, MS or not. On the other hand, there is the other girl, who clearly knows very little about her own condition, and would rather snap pictures of people parking illegally in handicap spots than taking care of her own health… and who had a resource (me) willing to help her navigate these unfamiliar waters and chose to ignore it.

I told my newly diagnosed friend that it sounds terrible to say, but if you’re going to get MS, we are living in a great time for it because there are so many treatment options, unlike when I was diagnosed and I had four choices, all self-injections.

So any treatment options… but no cure.

The lesson of the blog this week can be applied to anyone: MS, chronic illness, or perfectly healthy. Taking care of your body is so important because it is an amazing machine that does so much for us. I give full props to my friend for being able to put aside her emotions and gather information she needs in order to adjust her life accordingly. We all need to do that not only with chronic illness, but as we age as well.

Growing older with MS is doable, because I have my guy, my MS family, and all the resources I need.

Life with MS is not perfect. But with the right attitude and support systems in place, it is still a beautiful journey that should never be taken for granted.

High Alert

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Despite all of my medical issues, I am generally a healthy person. I eat well, nurture my body, exercise it, and I’m grateful for it, no matter what it looks like. Other people might feel locked in this body because of all the challenges it deals with every day, but for me it is empowering to know that I can do what I do despite it all.

Regular readers of my blog know that I have been living with Multiple Sclerosis for over 16 years, but with symptoms dating all the way back to the early 1990’s. I also am a breast cancer survivor, I have a fused spine, and most recently (in August) I was diagnosed with diabetes. This has been a very tough pill to swallow but as with everything, I buckled down, bumped up the exercise and tweaked the diet.

The go-to for diabetics. Apples with no sugar added nut butter…

A few weeks ago, I went for the first follow-up bloodwork with my endocrinologist since my diagnosis. I was eager to get my results, as I knew I had been doing everything humanly possible to keep my newly discovered diabetes under control. So you can imagine my consternation when the endocrinology office called me immediately, rather than waiting until my upcoming appointment to discuss my results. I was told that my liver enzymes were dangerously high, and to follow-through with my primary care doctor ASAP. Now I’m no stranger to elevated liver enzymes, because this has been a side effect of many MS medications I’ve relied upon in the past. But never had it been elevated to such extreme levels… we are talking over 20 times the upper limit of normal.

I couldn’t even relish how well I had done with my glucose and A1C levels because once you’ve had cancer, things like this send up red flags and everyone panics, not least of all, me. The next several weeks were taken over by doctor appointments, cat scans, bloodwork (lots of it), and everything else precautionary that the doctor could think of, in addition to stopping one of my diabetes medications immediately. Basically, everyone was freaking out because a common area for metastasis after breast cancer is the liver. and once you’ve had cancer it’s all you can think about in situations like this.

Just a little bloodwork… no big deal!

In the long run, everything came back negative, and although the weeks of running around and being tested for everything under the sun was so damn stressful, there was no sweeter news than hearing that I am ok, that cancer has not returned, and that my liver enzymes had come back to well within normal range.

There are plenty of lessons to be learned from this experience, one of which is that when anything isn’t right, my medical team and I will always be proactive because the fear of cancer is always going to be lingering over my head and in the back of my mind. But most importantly, no matter what your body looks like, be grateful for what it does for you every single day.

I love the metaphor of this body being a vessel. It can be a pitcher, a pint glass, or a tea cup. All of those vessels can hold the exact same substance inside. The stuff inside is the good stuff… relative to the body it’s our hearts, our spirits, and our souls. But the vessel requires maintenance which is why it’s important to nurture it, even if it’s only the temporary casing for the meat of who we are.

Through the years I have been through my share of tests, scans, MRIs, specialist appointments, etc. While in the midst of it, it always feels never-ending, but in hindsight, it’s just a bump in the road on this journey that I’m traveling. The true magic comes from handling the bumps, and coming to the other side with the knowledge that I did everything right, and being rewarded with good news.

This guy goes through everything with me, and thanks to him, I am never alone in any of my battles.

(I am begging every single person reading this to be proactive about your health and don’t put things off! There are so many things out of our control, so let’s take care of what we can, while we still can, so that we can enjoy this life to the absolute maximum.)

This Life

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When I sat down to write this week’s blog entry, there were so many topics I could have chosen. But the one that rises above all the others is a result of a quote I shared with my chair yoga class this week as part of my Dharma talk to start the class. I found a quote by Joseph Campbell that really resonated with me:

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Before I talked about it in the yoga class, I just kept reading that quote and I couldn’t believe how strongly it hit me. For over six years I’ve been trying to find words to adequately describe how drastically (but with hindsight, in the best way possible) my life changed due to circumstances outside of my control.

If you had asked me six years ago what I imagined my future to be, I would have told you without hesitation that I would be a classroom teacher up until the point that I would make a lateral move using my masters degree to be a school librarian/media specialist. Never would I have anticipated that Multiple Sclerosis would change the course of my future so abruptly and unexpectedly.

I felt like I was walking around with a broken compass for the longest time… a traveler without a map, and no guidance. The rug was pulled out from under me, and I was so lost.

Little by little I began putting the new pieces of my life together and just as I thought I had found some stability towards my new future, cancer came along. So I began the process of finding myself once again, more uncertain than ever about what my purpose was.

A post-oncology selfie celebrating the all clear still!

I invested time in myself, mostly through yoga, meditation, and journaling. I have always found comfort in writing (which is partly why I started this little blog of mine in the first place), and putting in this kind of work on myself helped me see beyond what I thought my life was meant to be. Instead I began to see what it could be if I just allowed things to unfold.

This is a summary of a 30 day yoga challenge that I participated in during the month of January.

I never thought I could feel the amount of pure and utter joy that I do now, in this life that was waiting for me. I take pleasure in even the minutia of daily life because I’m still here. I get to share my love of yoga with others who don’t yet believe in themselves, and who can benefit most from a practice that is equally as good for body, mind, and spirit.

Chair yoga with the regulars….

When I look back I am amazed that I ever felt lost because this life is better than any I could have imagined for myself. Yes, it’s true that I will always have medical challenges and the fear of cancer will always be lurking in the back of my mind… but I do not let those things hold me back from enjoying this beautiful life that I never knew was waiting for me while I toiled away at the one I had planned. What I know for sure is that life takes you on many detours and when you arrive to the place you are meant to be, there is no sweeter feeling in the world.

Without the detours, I never would have found my amazing MS sisters, who are such a huge part of my life.

Take it from me… I’ve been around the gamut and six years later, I am enjoying the life that was waiting for me while I was too busy planning one that was not in the cards for me. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. Not MS, not breast cancer, not diabetes. Nothing. Because without all that has happened I wouldn’t have found this exact spot, full of joy and light,  where I know I’m meant to be.