I know I’m not alone when I say that I have been deeply affected by the events of the last year. We were all ushered into stay-at-home orders and at that time so little was known about the Corona virus that we (by and large), as a collective whole, did what we had to do. We eagerly awaited news of when we could resume our “normal” lives. I don’t think any of us could have foreseen an entire year of our lives flying by with us still in the same position as when it all started, yet sadly, this is the case for so many.

I am not the most social person, but there are definitely moments I have missed beyond words. Time spent with my MS family, practicing yoga face to face with real people rather than computer screens, visits with my beloved former students, and hugs from family and friends, are just a few examples of what I long for.

I stumbled across this photo of me and one of my MS sisters, and was struck buy the joy on my face… and this was taken when we saw each other at least once a week or even more. God, I miss that.

Milestones have been missed by millions of people: birthdays, graduations, baby and bridal showers, and even weddings… I should know because my own wedding that has been planned since 2017 has been postponed twice now, with the safety of my family and friends at the forefront. By the time we celebrate (hopefully), this event will be five years in the making! If I wasn’t already married, I would have just gone and gotten married like Bruce and I did the first time. But this time it’s different. This is a celebration of life after a series of medical challenges that we have survived together and want to share that feeling with those we love, and so I will postpone it as many times as I have to, ensuring that we get the dream wedding we never had.

Once the vaccine started rolling out, I saw that it was going to be a battle just to get an appointment. As a person living with 3-4 “co-morbidities”, I became eligible in stage 1b of the vaccination plan here in NJ. At first I said I would never get the vaccine…. but after studying endlessly through trial data I found the safety profiles of both vaccines initially approved for emergency use authorization quite impressive, and efficacy even more so. And after hearing and seeing the horror stories of those who have had the virus, I came to the conclusion that I was WAY more scared of getting COVID than I was of getting the vaccine.

So I began to search and search and search for an appointment anywhere, and everywhere. Bruce’s company offered the vaccine to all their employees, and I was devastated that it was not extended to include spouses. He had to drive to Scranton, PA (over two hours driving) to get his, and it was well worth it.  I would have done the same.

Yup! We are both fully vaccinated!

Every site I went to said what time appointments would be opening up, and I had my three devices plus Bruce on his, just waiting. I would jump on and within 1 minute submit my info and was given a response that all the appointments were taken. I was devastated. No matter how hard I tried, this was the result. Finally, after spending an entire day all over the various websites I turned off all of my devices and threw my hands up thinking it just wasn’t going to happen for me, and I have already been at home this long, what’s a little longer?

This is the response I got within one minute of the site accepting appointments.

To my utter surprise and disbelief, I woke up the next morning with an email from a former colleague who had seen my frustration (I posted about it), and who knows about my medical history. I’ll still never forget her kindness because somehow, after I turned off all of my devices, she got through at one in the morning and booked an appointment for me. I cried tears of happiness because I knew that this was the first step towards resuming some sense of normalcy during this very strange time in our history.

The morning of vaccine #1 and I was so incredibly excited!

So vaccine number one happened, despite a rocky start at the location as they struggled to find everything they needed while also dealing with a crowd of anxious patients waiting for their turn. People were not standing on their marks to remain distanced, and I kept telling them to back off or get back on their line. When I finally got called for my turn, they were so apologetic, and just as I told the irritated masses, I told them I was just grateful to be there and I would have waited as long as I had to. The first dose went without incident, except maybe a little sore arm. No big deal.

This was the line full of cranky people who couldn’t just be grateful.

I finally was beginning to reclaim some of my power because of knew I was on the path to ease my anxiety and newfound agoraphobia that had begun to creep into my life during the course of the last year.

Vaccine #1 as it happened!

My second dose went so much more smoothly, and clearly this vaccination site had ironed out the kinks in the four weeks between my doses. People on line were still complaining and not on their marks, but I just kept telling them to get back to their spots and that I was just grateful to be there. I thanked all the people who were working so hard to make this happen for everyone there, because they were taking so much heat from unpleasant people. Everyone is doing their best (with very little guidance) and they deserve kindness. This is the time to be kind, not angry, especially since they had appointments while many others have not had theirs.

Second dose done!

In any event, I had my second dose and by the first week in March I will reach full efficacy. I had no side effects (except a sore arm) and the whole experience was 100% worth it. I’m starting to reclaim my power and we even have planned a date for the first week in March to go to our favorite place and celebrate. Without fear.

The proof I will need going forward, and I am so grateful for it.

I understand that “normal” is still quite far from where we are today, but where we are today is very different than where we were a year ago. And being the glass half-full girl, I have to hope that a year from now, we will be even better yet.

It’s a personal decision for each of us whether or not to get vaccinated. I did what I know is right for me, given all of my medical challenges, and also for my mental state. I also feel a debt of gratitude towards the medical science that has allowed me to manage it all and maintain myself in the best health possible under the circumstances, and I feel the same way about the vaccines that are available now. I do believe they will be more accessible shortly, and that everyone who wants it will be able to get it.

I imagine that there was always trepidation where it comes to new treatments and vaccines, but where would we be if kids were still dying from Measles and Mumps. Or when people suffered so badly from Polio. I trust the science. Hell I even gave my body to science for two years as a human guinea pig in a clinical trial. Each of us has to do what we feel is right for our own bodies (and the greater good)… and as for me, I could not be more grateful to be one step closer to “normal “, whatever that looks like.