Monthly Archives: April 2018

Squiggy

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Obviously if you are a regular reader of my little blog, then you’ll know that Bruce and I ran into a lot of stumbling blocks as we began our search for a home where we can safely live out the rest of our years in New Jersey before he can join me in retirement. It has been a very frustrating time for me, because I was trying hard to narrow things down without him so he could focus on work. Finally I found an older development that is not age restricted, and in a perfect location for us. Unfortunately, there is only one model that suits our needs, and the one home that was up for sale already had three offers on it. I decided not to even look at it because I was worried that I would fall in love with it, and ultimately be devastated because it couldn’t be ours.

After much discussion, Bruce and I decided to call off the search for a new home right now. We built this home together. We lived in a hotel for five darn months while it was being built. And we picked everything that we wanted, down to the doorknobs, for Pete’s sake! We have only been here six years, and Bruce is pretty much numb to the god-awful commute he suffers through every day. Part of our conversation included growing our family back to two dogs because I have been missing my Marty  so very much lately, and I think Scarlet has too. I know that I will never replace that boy of mine, but ever since we became a two dog family, it seems a little empty with just one, no matter how much I love princess Scarlet.

Mookie. My number one son. 2001-2013

So I did as I have always done in the past. Within seconds of our decision, I hit Petfinder to see who would find me. That’s how it has always worked in the past. I saw Mookie (then being called Amigo) and stopped looking. The following Saturday, he became a Rankin. When Mookie was getting older and we were settled in this nice big house, I did it again. I went on Petfinder, saw Marty (going by the name Acho), and stopped looking. A few days later, he became Mr. Marty Rankin. Scarlet came to me through different means (shout out to her fairy godmother, Rhonda), but I rescued her from a bad situation, and she came for an overnight that never ended. My point is that there has always been something that connected me to these dogs before I even knew them. I always say that they all chose me, and I stand behind that statement to this day.

Marty the man. 2012-2017

So as I got on Petfinder, and suddenly found him. I stopped looking and reached out to the shelter. I have always gravitated towards adult dogs because they are so often overlooked in favor of the younger dogs in shelters. But I know the heart-warming joy of loving an older dog, and how they exude gratitude and love as if they know that they have been saved. Heck, I even volunteer with senior dogs at Marty’s Place Senior Dog Sanctuary so I feel I really do connect with older pups.

Princess Scarlet the smiler. 2013-present

I’m not sure if Bruce took me seriously, but before he could even protest, I had arranged a meet and greet for the three of us (Bru, me, and Scarlet) because I fell in love with the new little one as soon as I saw his picture and read his story. The meet and greet went as expected, and on the day that this entry is posted, the newest member of our family will have been with us for 24 hours!

Introducing Squiggy! 2018-?

So I’ll just give you a brief background of what we know about the dog we will be calling Squiggy. In the shelter he was known as Chino. He is about 7 years old, has very few teeth, and had very bad dental disease. He also had a bad bladder infection, and very little hair, except on his mane. He weighs only about eight pounds, but he is at a healthy weight for his tiny size. He is friendly and loving, and I think he and Scarlet will be super close eventually because she is such a nurturer after being bred far too many times, which is one of the reasons she ended up with me. Ever since I saw this little guy’s picture, and especially after meeting him, I can’t wait for him to get here. He will be delivered to us since they like to do a home inspection before placing dogs. His foster family loves him but they have five dogs ranging in size from chihuahua to pit bull, and it can get crowded there. But I have to give huge kudos to all the people who foster animals, helping them to learn how to love and trust, and be socialized regardless of the pasts they have lived but are unable to tell us about. It takes the patience of a saint and a heart of gold.

As for me, I am ready to adjust my schedule for the first few weeks so that I won’t be out of the house for more than two or three hours at a clip. I want Squiggy to learn that I will always come back to him and that his future will be full of love and happiness, belly rubs and kisses, but most importantly, the stability he needs. Having pets has been very therapeutic for me with everything that I have gone through, and even though his tiny little brain doesn’t know it, I know that Squiggy will be giving me as much (or more) than I give him.

Anniversary

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On the day that I post this entry, I will be celebrating 18 years of marriage with my husband. It’s funny that we actually met when we were 18 years old, and now looking back, it seems I can’t remember a time when we weren’t in each others’ lives.

When we first met, it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but it was definitely friends at first sight. We were both such incredibly different people then, that I don’t think anyone ever would have pegged us as the perfect match. We had some growing to do, especially being that it was Bruce’s first time away from home, and we both came from fairly sheltered environments. There was growing and maturing to be done before it became the right time for us, and even though Bru will tell you how long he waited and how patient he was, I did my share of waiting too.

Once we actually started dating, I couldn’t understand why everything took so many years… like moving in together and getting married. It wasn’t as though we didn’t know each other. We were the best of friends for over four years at that time, and while he “waited” for our (inevitable) relationship to come to fruition, it certainly didn’t seem that way to me. Bru was still living the (early) post college years, mostly concerned with his “posse” of guy friends, and drinking heavily. I, on the other hand, felt that I knew what I wanted and the waiting for the rest of my life to begin was torturous. But just like he waited when it was his turn, I waited when it was mine.

Ultimately, we moved in together after we were together for over four years (and best friends for over eight). When it was time, we mutually decided to get married, but we did not want to deal with family drama, nor did we want to go into debt by having a big wedding, so we opted for a quick trip to Las Vegas. And no, we were not married by an Elvis impersonator at some cheesy chapel, but rather by a justice of the peace at a beautifully quaint chapel where we were treated like royalty. We had no regrets because our vows were heartfelt and meant for each other only. We said them aloud, and I don’t know any other couple that had their vows tested in the way we have through the years, and instead of falling out of love or giving up, we just keep growing together with a connection that is too powerful for words.

After each week of radiation for breast cancer was completed, Bruce got me a present (or 2!). Our Venn diagram was my 3rd week gift so I was halfway to the finish line.

This year I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace, gratitude, and good fortune relating to the strength of my marriage. There were plenty of doubters early on, telling us that we didn’t do things the conventional way, and used that very point (which I feel makes us stronger) as an insult. And we don’t do anything the conventional way because we don’t follow the herd. We march to the beat of our own drum because we know what works for us.

We might not have had a big wedding (yet)… but it’s coming! We might not sleep in the same bedroom. We might have separate checking accounts and split our bills down the middle. But every day since that first day I starting feeling “weird” (MS symptoms) has been a challenge and we have handled it all together, Team Rankin. Not even breast cancer could do anything except bring us closer together.

I realize how lucky I am to be married to the person in my life who has been my best friend since the day I met him when we were just kids. For almost 30 years, this guy has been my rock, my heart, my strength, and my pride. As much as I believe in the universe and the timing of how everything has unfolded for us, we made the conscious choice as best friends to take it to the next level together. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars for seeing it fit for us to both want the same thing at the exact same moment in time because without this guy, my heart would be incomplete and my soul would be empty.

Happy anniversary to my other half: the jelly to my peanut butter, the milk to my cookies, the cheese to my crackers. Thank you for walking beside me no matter how rough the journey!

Upstairs Downstairs

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About a month ago, I started what I like to call my “field research” for our next home. The whole idea of another move after just six short years in this beautiful home that we built together is a daunting one. But we realize now that this home of ours is a lot to manage, and the stairs are becoming more difficult for me to manage (as evidenced by the broken toes that I gave myself over the summer after a particularly hard fall).

I wore this bad boy for 8 grueling weeks during the hottest part of the summer: July and August.

Ever since I took that epic fall resulting in two badly broken toes, Bruce and I have been getting increasingly more serious about finding a home more well-suited for us (well, me) now, but also in the future. Believe me when I say that there is not a single part of me that wants to move now, while our home is just six years young. I’d much rather stay put until he retires and then move one last time to our retirement destination.

We are grown adults. In fact, this entry will be posted on my 46th birthday. We now know what we need in a house. We need the master bedroom and laundry room on the first floor. Ideally there will be two other bedrooms, and one and a half more bathrooms. We would love either a spacious loft, a partially (or fully) finished basement, or functional attic space. It’s basically what I already have except minus one full bathroom, and laid out differently. Upon beginning to search for what we need, I found that pretty much the only places that would offer such a layout is in active adult (age 55+) communities.

Upstairs…

Being who I am, I researched this for a long time and I found that in NJ there is a 20% rule, whereby 20% of the homes in these communities are meant to be reserved for underage residents. And I (falsely) assumed that we would have no issues because we are a married couple with no children, and I am disabled. What I did not anticipate was that these developments interpret that 20% rule in ways that suit them best, and most will turn us away until we are at least 48 years old. Here I am, waving the same amount of money in their faces (and it’s no small figure) as someone possibly just two years older than I am, and I run into this roadblock, which feels a bit discriminatory to me.

Downstairs…

My husband works hard. I can’t do yard work or shovel, and he shouldn’t have to. Some people love gardening and taking care of their lawns. That is NOT us. We have always lived in townhome communities because of that. But try to find one that is not age-restricted and suits our needs, and I assure you that you won’t.  It’s incredibly frustrating because my condition is out of my control and I can’t change it. Now we have to figure out a way to make our current situation more livable for me for at least two more years, and quite frankly, the next fall down the stairs could result in something much worse than a couple of broken toes.

So here I am, after investing a serious amount of time looking at places that could be our new home if not for two ridiculous years. The response I was given: it’s only two years so just come back. Easy for them to say. Every day is a challenge here, and two years is actually a long time to spend in a place that is not suited for my needs, no matter how much I love our home. I have been wondering if the Housing for Older Persons Act (HOPA) takes precedence over the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), and why people are so insanely insensitive. We are one couple looking for a small exception, with the money ready to make this change, but our money doesn’t rate simply because of our age. I feel like a child but I just have to say it’s not fair!

I am angry that I invested time and energy only to be shot down. Time is fleeting and I never know when I will have a good day or a bad day so I resent having wasted good days “in the field” and falling in love with what could have been our next home, and I resent these communities for being so inflexible where it comes to my situation. We are damn good neighbors, and we just want to live a comfortable life in a home that supports my special needs.

Through the years I was told that we would have no problems entering one of these communities early because of my disability. But that’s apparently not true from what I’ve experienced. So now in addition to my disability, I have the added stress of making my home more livable but without devaluing it for resale… and we all know what stress does to MS patients.

This whole scenario that I have described goes back to raising awareness. It’s not as if I am in my 20’s… heck I’m not even in my 30’s. I’m on the downside to 50 and I feel discriminated against, once again, for reasons beyond my control. I’m used to dealing with the ignorance of most of the human race where it comes to MS, and it appears to be even more pronounced in this situation I’m going through right now.  I was expecting some compassion and understanding, knowing as a teacher that all rules (every single one) might be bent slightly to accommodate special circumstances, even by me: the rule girl. I have discovered that these communities are perfectly designed for someone like me with a disability, but I’ll have to wait at least another two years (and who knows how many other broken bones and/or future injuries) where I am now.

I guess age, something that happens naturally to every single one of us, is more important than the wellness of someone like me (a mere two years from their minimum age) who suffers from  a disability that does not affect the whole wide world. I would expect a community of adults to show a touch more humanity and empathy because after all, we are talking about adults. I can’t help but think that greater awareness could shift things in favor of looking at the big picture I present, not simply the number of times I have traveled around the sun on this planet. In my head I can hear Bru saying that I am too much of an idealist, and perhaps I am at times, although I wasn’t quite expecting to be shot down this way.

So which community should I send my next medical bill to when the stairs become harder and harder for me to manage? Obviously, that is meant as a joke, but the issue at hand is not. I mean, it could be worse because we have a roof over our heads and we do love our home. And in the end, I am sure we will figure things out. Team Rankin always does.

PS. If anyone out there knows about the HOPA and the ADA where the 20% rule is concerned, I welcome your advice and/or comments!

Yoga

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Earlier this year, I wrote about how I won a new yoga mat after participating in an online yoga challenge. Shortly after, I was contacted by Yoga Solace Club telling me that the foundation would like to sponsor me and I was offered a scholarship because the owner believes passionately that yoga can truly help MS patients like me. An annual fundraiser occurred over the holiday weekend, resulting in lower attendance than usual due to both Passover and Easter. I find it only fitting to once again express my sincere gratitude to Donna at Yoga Solace Club and the Brightface Wellness Foundation for changing my life and making me stronger than ever. If you are in a position to do so, please consider donating so that other MS patients like me can feel truly empowered: body, mind, and soul. 

I know that I have written about yoga before, but my practice has evolved so much in the two short years that it has been a constant in my life. In that time, I have gone from “tolerating” it to loving every single thing about it. The beauty of yoga is that they call it a practice for a reason, and on good days, I astound myself, while on others I try to figure out why the heck I can’t do what I just did the day before. Then I remember that I have Multiple Sclerosis and there is literally a disconnect between my body and my brain. But I never regret my practice because it is so much more than physical for me.

Downward facing dog.

When I get on my mat, I am truly in my space. It’s my time for me to be genuinely present with myself without feeling any pressures from the outside world. I love removing myself from the real world while I connect with my body and feel what I can do when I give my body permission to open up. The mind body connection is so powerful and it puts me in a very meditative state. Now I didn’t always love yoga, but once I found the right instructor, as well as the right mindset, everything changed for me.

Upward facing dog.

In December, a local yoga club ran a “12 Days of Yoga” challenge on Instagram. I was skeptical because in the scope of the world of yoga, I’m an average yogi at best. I work harder than most because MS makes me do that, but I’m ok with that. I don’t compare myself to anyone except me so I am happy with my progress. A friend of mine, who is a teacher that I used to work with, and has since become a yoga instructor (shout out Jess!) tagged me and told me that I should definitely participate in the challenge. I got all frustrated with the logistics: post a flyer indicating your participation, tagging the sponsors, etc., and I found it overwhelming. Then my beautiful friend, in true teacher fashion, messaged me and broke down exactly what to do… for those out there who know teaching terminology, this was true differentiated instruction for this girl (me), who really needed it.

Chaturanga. And Scarlet!

The challenge included a pre-set list of poses, and each day I was to post a picture of myself, with any variations or modifications necessary, and tag all the sponsors of the contest. I do yoga every day anyway, and thought it would be a great way to keep me on my mat and also give me the opportunity to win prizes. Truth be told, I never win anything, so that wasn’t really a motivation for me. I just wanted to prove that an MS patient need not be limited to chair yoga.

Crane (or crow) is a very difficult pose that I have been working on for a while. My modification here is one foot on the wall to help the balance.

I must have made my point because (amazingly) I won a beautiful new yoga mat… more specifically, an amazing Lululemon yoga mat. I was beyond grateful, and also incredibly surprised. The mat is so nice, and like I said, I generally never win anything, especially something so perfect for me and my lifestyle. As if that was not enough, I found out a few days later, that the yoga studio that sponsored the challenge has a foundation, and that they are giving me a year membership to the studio, paid for by the foundation. I was almost moved to tears. Yoga studios are expensive, and rightly so because of the personal attention that is given. It’s something I couldn’t afford without making major sacrifices financially. I have been known to do drop in yoga classes at random studios for $15 or $20 a session, but an actual membership is not something I ever imagined I could have. I couldn’t be more appreciative.

On the day that I picked up my brand new Lululemon mat.

I didn’t love yoga from day one, but once I found the right instructor, I got hooked, but I never thought it would change me so much. I am more in tuned with my body, and I’m aware of what it needs when I get on the mat. I am able to transcend anything that is happening in my life when I am focusing on my practice. I have learned to keep the positive energy flowing through my body, and to look at others with more compassion as a result. Most importantly, I have learned to challenge myself, without fear of failure. Yoga is a practice, and challenging myself in my practice only helps, even if I can’t do everything perfectly all the time. Like MS, every day is different on my mat, and that’s ok. If I never challenged myself, I might never have grown to love all the different aspects of yoga the way I do.

This one was a modification because I was supposed to do a handstand, but my recently dislocated finger was not ready to bear my weight that way yet.

This is all a metaphor for life itself, really. We never know what we are capable of (or consequently the rewards that await us) if we don’t challenge ourselves to do the thing(s) that feel(s) intimidating. There have been many challenges in my life, and the only ones I regret are the ones I didn’t accept. This yoga challenge was something I knew I could do, even if I had to modify a pose or two in order to participate, and I’m so glad I did. More than anything else I know that taking on a challenge is nothing to shy away from. In the worse case scenario, you learn a lesson to help you succeed at the next try, and that’s as valuable as anything. The next time you are faced with something you want to try but you are afraid, I dare you to try. You just might surprise yourself! Namaste.

For the plank day, I added some variations to challenge myself. See that? I challenged myself within the challenge. It’s how I roll.