Monthly Archives: April 2015

Invincible

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This is what graduation looks like from the dais. I had the best seat in the house in 2011 when I was named the teacher of the year.

This is what graduation looks like from the dais. I had the best seat in the house in 2011 when I was named the teacher of the year.

When I first was faced with the decision of taking disability retirement, my first thoughts  were about the kids. There is a very special bond that can be shared between teachers and students, particularly in the high school environment. Teachers are not rewarded with huge salaries and bonuses, nor are we rewarded with the professional respect we deserve. But we are, indeed, rewarded in ways that are beyond monetary value.  For me, the students were my children, especially since I do not have any children of my own. I was scared beyond belief that without the kids I’d feel lost and detached from my purpose. What’s more is that I thought I’d feel inadequate because so much of the personal fulfillment I enjoyed from my job came from being a mentor for my kids.  

This girl will always be one of my faves, even though we don't see each other much. No matter what was going on with her, she always showed up for the MS Walk, even though she was one of my very first adoptees.

This girl will always be one of my faves, even though we don’t see each other much. No matter what was going on with her, she always showed up for the MS Walk, even though she was one of my very first adoptees.

In my position, I generally taught freshmen and sophomores.  In the best case scenario, I ended up watching these young people grow up right in front of my eyes during the course of three or four years. My classroom was in the main hallway, so I inevitably would see my students several times a day, and this continued for as long as they were students, not just in my class.  Most continued to check in and catch up with me throughout their high school years, even after they were no longer in my class. There is no greater job satisfaction than taking part in the journey as these young people work their way to adulthood. 

These girls are lucky enough to be sisters, and I see them pretty frequent;y despite their incredibly hectic schedules: Ashley (middle) is just finishing up law school, and Britt (right) is almost done with nursing school.

These girls are lucky enough to be sisters, and I see them pretty frequent;y despite their incredibly hectic schedules: Ashley (middle) is just finishing up law school, and Britt (right) is almost done with nursing school.

My classroom was always a safe place for my students, and on most days I had kids with me both before and after school, whether for “extra help”, or just for some mama Rankin love, which both were pretty much the same thing. Nothing made me happier than being able to help guide them, both academically as well as personally. The more they learned about me, the more they connected with me, particularly those who had challenges of their own. Because I have been open and honest about my medical situation, I think they saw me as somehow more human and definitely more compassionate than other teachers. 

I am constantly in touch with my Abby-girl. She always makes me smile!

I am constantly in touch with my Abby-girl. She always makes me smile!

Now that I have been “retired” for almost a year, I feel good about my impact on my students because so many of them (ranging in age from 17-29!) are still an active part of my everyday life. I love how our relationships change as they grow up, and even though I’ll always be “mama Rankin”, we seamlessly shift from the student/teacher relationship to one of genuine friendship. I am always open to bringing our relationships to an adult level, and I truly appreciate having them in my life. I am honored that I have been a guest at events for former students ranging from graduation parties (even from college!), to bridal showers and weddings, to baby showers and surprise parties. 

Love this girl so much. She works really hard and I have always been in awe of her maturity.

Love this girl so much. She works really hard and I have always been in awe of her maturity.

This week I got together with three former students in three days, and next week I am seeing two more. I feel like the luckiest person in the world! They may not remember a single word of Spanish, but I know there is a reason why they keep in touch. I’d rather their memories involving me and my class be about me being a positive role model and working hard despite my own challenges than Spanish conjugations anyway. 

From D's and E's to straight A's while we worked together! She has a determination and focus that can't be beat.

From D’s and E’s to straight A’s while we worked together! She has a determination and focus that can’t be beat.

Since sadly tendering my resignation as a teacher, I have been learning so much about myself. One thing I know for sure is that I’ll always be a teacher, but I am no longer confined to a classroom. Here in “Holland” (http://www.makinglemonadebecauseican.com/holland/), I love that there are no restrictions on our relationships. I catch myself doing “teacherly” things all the time, and when I realize it, I can’t help but smile. Nothing will ever replace the feeling of having my kids around me all the time, but they’ll still always be MY kids, and I would do anything for any one of them…at any time. Seriously. If you don’t believe me, ask around. My kids will tell you. 

I adore these girls so very much! Even though I had given up my position as team captain of the largest MS Walk team, I promised I would walk with them because it was their senior year. The catch was that they promised to actually walk WITH me (not ahead of me!) the entire time. They are seniors in college now.. almost done! Except Rawan (right). She is a junior in college.

I adore these girls so very much! Even though I had given up my position as team captain of the largest MS Walk team, I promised I would walk with them because it was their senior year. The catch was that they promised to actually walk WITH me (not ahead of me!) the entire time. They are seniors in college now.. almost done! Except Rawan (right). She is a junior in college.

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I am generally a structured person. I have always lived by what my calendar says. If things aren’t documented they may as well not even exist in my world. My transition from my paper planner to a carefully chosen calendar app on my phone was not an easy one. I still miss the feeling of crossing out my accomplishments on a piece of paper. It is so much more satisfying than deleting them from an app. I even chose a career in which every minute of my day was planned out for me, including the very specific times during the day in which I was allowed to take care of simple details, like peeing. 

Even in retirement I have a schedule for myself. I have been able to blog consistently on Wednesdays because I have that time built in to my weekly schedule. I am amazed that I have been able to keep to my plans almost 100% of the time, which is, in itself, a gigantic accomplishment because MS does not cooperate with plans. I never know what the next morning will bring, and it is not always possible to will myself to move. MS has a mind of its own and is a powerful force that can overtake  my body when I least expect it. I try my hardest to honor commitments, which isn’t always possible, and for that reason I seldom make plans because I don’t like to disappoint anyone. I’d rather be a happy addition than a last minute no-show any day of the week. 

My schedule has recently changed, and I’m trying to figure things out going forward. Because of this, I will be posting my blog on FRIDAYS starting next week, April 24. I am committed to continue delivering new content consistently, on a weekly basis. MS challenges me to constantly adjust to new norms, and this is just one example! I hope you’ll continue to follow me on my journey!  

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I have always been a pretty outspoken person. I’m a take-charge kind of girl. I don’t back down without a good fight, and I always fight for what I know is right. I enjoy helping people and teaching others (obviously given my chosen career as a teacher!) to stand up for themselves. As a teacher, I taught my students how to advocate for themselves because it’s such an important skill, not just as students but as members of a society that is largely “every man for himself”.

This is me in the make-up chair for one of my video projects.

This is me in the make-up chair for one of my video projects.

When I was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I found myself in a unique position to raise awareness because of my position as an educator. I discovered a powerful powerful voice that I didn’t even know I had. I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but shortly after my diagnosis, I was heavily recruited to speak at a variety of events. I happily fell into the role of patient advocate speaker/motivational speaker/keynote speaker, sponsored by MS organizations, pharmaceutical companies, and various county school board associations, just to name a few. I loved spreading awareness (and positivity) regardless of the venue or audience. 

Green screen! On the video it looks like we are sitting on our couch!

Green screen! On the video it looks like we are sitting on our couch!

Soon I was recruited for several video projects such as this one: (http://www.rethinkmsrelapses.com/pages/understand_ms_relapses/).  I was also a patient advocate speaker for 2 different pharmaceutical companies (not simultaneously of course), a job that allowed me to travel around and share my story with others. As satisfying as my job as a teacher was, there is something incredibly special about connecting with other MS patients (and their care partners) and offering them  a sense of hope and true understanding. This is not an easy job, as any event would bring patients at all different stages of their journey with MS, from the relapsing-remitting patient you’d never guess had MS, to the progressive patient who is wheelchair-bound. This is a constant reminder of the harsh reality of MS, and even though I know it exists, I try my damnedest not to think about it because it’s too scary. I never imagined that I would be affected so strongly by the people I have met while speaking to other MS patients.

This is a screen shot from a non-branded website. I was an "ambassador" for a pharmaceutical company's non-branded website.

This is a screen shot from a non-branded website. I was an “ambassador” for a pharmaceutical company’s non-branded website.

Being a patient advocate speaker was a natural progression for me. Many of my teacher friends wondered how I could stand up in front of groups and speak naturally about my experiences. Public speaking doesn’t bother me at all though, because it’s the same as teaching, except that the audience is made up of my peers rather than a bunch of teenagers. The difference is that I was speaking to adults with a genuine interest in what I had to say, and I didn’t have to use the teacher “stink eye” to keep them engaged. 

Here you can get an idea of how many people were involved just to get one little video project made.

Here you can get an idea of how many people were involved just to get one little video project made.

Perhaps the most life-changing of events for me occurred when I was asked to speak at the Middlesex County School Boards Association program honoring “unsung heroes”. These students all had overcome great adversity in order to graduate from high school. Many had recovered from serious or even terminal illnesses, homelessness, or had demonstrated utter selflessness to help others, just to name some of the amazing accomplishments that were celebrated that evening.  There were over 400 people in the audience, each one totally interested in  the program because of how special and meaningful a program it was.  I always feel humbled when I speak to other MS patients, but these young people truly inspired me. 

Me with the director when we finished work for the day!

Me with the director when we finished work for the day!

Thinking back to when I was first diagnosed, I remember how comforted I felt listening to the words of those in the position I would eventually hold, and that is what has driven me to do the same for others. It gives me a sense of purpose and also keeps me grounded because I see how MS really does run the gamut and none of us are exempt from suffering its wrath. 

Thinking back to how scary it was for me when I entered the world of MS is the reason for my purpose, both as a public speaker and more recently as a blogger. My only motive is to connect with others who may be feeling lost or hopeless, and to let them know that they are not alone. I love helping others navigate through this obstacle course of life, MS or not. Quite honestly, I’d go anywhere, without monetary compensation, just to spread some hope and positivity. 

“Jane”

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My friend “Jane” (not her real name) is pretty awesome. She is a teacher. In fact, she is amazing teacher. I’m almost positive that if you asked her to describe herself in one word, she’d say teacher.  She is passionate about the content she teaches, and even more so about her students and their successes. Jane’s life is not her own. Her life is completely and utterly consumed by the demands of being a teacher. She spends her “free time” doing fun things like grading endless papers, writing lesson plans that are inevitably scrutinized, and creating digital ancillaries for her lessons knowing full well that the effort put in is sadly wasted on the vast majority. It’s a job that never ends, yet deadlines still exist. Jane is usually in bed at 8:30 pm because she arrives to school at 6:15 am every day. She is living the life I was leading before I took disability retirement, and with the benefit of hindsight I can honestly say that’s not really living.

The life of a teacher always includes piles of grading like this.

The life of a teacher always includes piles of grading like this.

One of the things I admire most about Jane is that she really works hard to remain current. She has been in the classroom for over 25 years, but you wouldn’t know it by her teaching methodologies. She uses her SmartBoard, and she is even a PowerPoint pro! When she is given recommendations for improvement, she she takes them to heart. When teachers don’t adjust with the times and improve, they become less and less effective despite their best intentions. I, for one, believe this to be true of humans in general, not just teachers.  

I'll always miss the smell of freshly sharpened pencils! FYI, these were purchased by yours truly for student use. Add it to the list of things that reduce a teacher's salary: buying supplies for her students.

I’ll always miss the smell of freshly sharpened pencils! FYI, these were purchased by yours truly for student use. Add it to the list of things that reduce a teacher’s salary: buying supplies for her students.

Jane has been toiling for 25 years at this pace. All work, no play. Her famous line is that she would give up summers “off” in a heartbeat if it meant that she could have 52 weekends a year completely free of work. I agreed. Every single time. When she hit her 25 year mark, she decided she would do what she had been fantasizing about for the last few years: make an appointment for a retirement consultation. It might sound crazier to you if I mention that she is only in her late 40’s. This is a direct result of the ridiculous expectations of teachers, in effect, forcing the good ones to to live lives that revolve around a thankless profession. It’s a sad state of affairs when someone who always loved her job began saying that she loved teaching but she hated her job. 

Just because we called this a grading "party", it's not the kind of party most people think of attending.

Just because we called this a grading “party”, it’s not the kind of party most people think of attending.

So here she is, not even 50 years old, and she is excited at the prospect of reinventing herself. I’m excited for her because (even though I am slightly younger than she is), I’m just ahead of her on the same journey. I shared some of what I’ve learned with her, because I know it’s a scary prospect. But I know that when I was working, I wasn’t living. I was existing. Ever since I “retired”, I smile wider and I laugh harder. Everything (and I mean everything!) is better. I enjoy my friends and my family more. I spend quality time with my husband, every day. If I don’t leave the house on the weekend, it’s because I chose to watch movies all day, not because I am doing schoolwork. The most recent thing I’ve come to appreciate (because of Daylight Savings) is staying up later than the sun! I could go on and on, because every single day I’m finding new things that are better, or that I appreciate more. It truly is like being reborn, and I can’t wait for Jane to experience it for herself. 

I definitely miss this kind of spirit and the sense of belonging to a community.

I definitely miss this kind of spirit and the sense of belonging to a community.

I’m not saying I don’t miss certain aspects of that life, like my students. Jane will miss that part, for sure. We are a lot alike that way, and I can say unwaveringly that it gets easier and easier as time passes. I’ll never not miss them, but there is so much good stuff on this side of retirement that everything just seems in balance. 

I miss the little traditions of working in a high school, like the ritual of decorating lockers when it's someone's birthday.

I miss the little traditions of working in a high school, like the ritual of decorating lockers when it’s someone’s birthday.

Jane is ready to have a job, not a career that doesn’t leave room for anything else in her life. That’s not to say that she won’t give her next job 100% of her effort. It’s not in her nature to do otherwise. I guarantee you that whatever job she ends up with, she will do whatever she is asked, with full attention to detail, and a gigantic smile on her face. 

I will never, ever miss the dreaded "back-to-school" letter, and Im sure Jane won't either!

I will never, ever miss the dreaded “back-to-school” letter, and Im sure Jane won’t either!