A few days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about possible blog topics. I have many topics lined up for future posts, but none of them really jumped out of me this week. In our conversation, my friend brought up the topic of my weight loss journey. She recently lost a substantial amount of weight, and is admittedly “slightly” obsessed with the number on the scale. She then told me that this particular topic might be too “hot” and that I should write about something “easier”. In this new life of mine, I have made (and kept) a promise to myself to not shy away from anything simply because it seems difficult, because those are the experiences from which I grow the most. 

In my blog entry “Body Image” (http://www.makinglemonadebecauseican.com/body-image/), I wrote about my lifelong struggle with my weight, and the never-ending cycle of gaining weight from steroid treatments for MS, then losing (some of) the weight just in time for the next relapse and course of treatment. This is my reality. Every single medication that I take to help manage my many symptoms of MS has a possible side effect of weight gain. For years, I refused certain medications as a result, but MS progresses and vanity is not always an option. That is just one piece that contributes to my frustration.

Exercising with MS can be very tricky because I am always walking the very fine line between doing enough and doing too much. Overexertion has extreme consequences with effects lasting for days. There is always the risk of overheating when exercising, which leads to Uhthoff’s Phenomenon, also commonly referred to as heat-induced optic neuritis. Still not clear? In plain and simple terms, when my body overheats, I lose my vision (plus all of my usual symptoms of MS become magnified). In simple terms, when my body temperature is elevated, signals sent from the brain to the optic nerve are blocked or slowed down, thus affecting my vision. Imagine the horror of a fever! 

They said MS patients could not do TRX suspension training. Diane believed in us and we have proven “them” wrong.

Spin class. We work our arms with weights while we cycle. “They” said MS patients couldn’t do it. “They” were wrong.

Despite the necessity for careful calculation of exercise to-rest-ratio, I exercise at least 4 times a week. I’m not talking about and B.S. exercise, either. Twice a week I take classes with a trainer who is highly trained at working with MS patients. You can read about her on my blog entry “strength and balance” (http://www.makinglemonadebecauseican.com/strength-balance/). The classes include SPIN, TRX, and Strength & Balance, a super intense, full-body, core-focused class. At least 2 other days, I’m exercising at home. I don’t necessarily love to exercise but I do love knowing that I do my best to stay strong. My point is that I do not live a sedentary lifestyle. Despite having MS, I’m a pretty fit and active person.

The natural tummy tuck! It’s even harder on the TRX!

Side planks are not easy for anyone!

My diet is strict, but I don’t even mind. I don’t really eat anything aside from protein and vegetables. I make a ginormous salad every week, and I tend to eat it for every meal. It’s more about simplicity than anything else for me. One of the most common symptoms of MS is an overwhelming fatigue that makes even the smallest tasks daunting. You can read about it in my blog entry “Fatigue” (http://www.makinglemonadebecauseican.com/fatigue/). I prepare ahead of time because I know that if it’s too hard for me I won’t eat, and that wreaks havoc on the metabolism. I have been following (pretty much to the letter) a diet plan that was made specifically for me, and I honestly don’t cheat. Ask my MS family! There is always a reason for us to have a “little” celebration that includes more deliciousness than you can even imagine. When the food gets passed, I always say as long as I don’t start tasting things, I don’t miss it, so I decline.

Food prep day!

I lost 20 pounds over the last several months, but the numbers on the scale were really getting to me, especially considering that I am about 2 pants sizes smaller. I decided I needed a break from the scale because it was not helping my ego at all. I waited for 8 weeks before I stepped on that god awful machine again. For the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to seeing obvious progress. I was seeing changes in myself and I wanted to see them quantified on the scale. I can’t even describe the depth of my frustration and disappointment when I saw that I had gained a pound or 2. What the heck? How is that even possible? I tearfully reached out to my trainer. She reassured me that I am working out hard and I am rebuilding muscle that MS stole from me during my last exacerbation. I know she is right, but it still isn’t fair!  

My meal of choice: a great big salad, and citrus infused water.

Yes. My friend told me how hard she worked to lose the weight, and I am by no means trying to diminish her success. It IS hard work to lose weight. I am ALWAYS working hard, and against obstacles that most people can’t even begin to understand. It’s hard not to compare myself to those around me, even though I know that there is no reason to do so. We all have our struggles in life, and unfortunately this always has been, and always will be a battle for me. I am trying to stay focused on the real reason for working so hard: to be healthy and strong. I tend to dwell on my failures rather than celebrate my successes, a life-long behavior that I vow to change, starting right now.

I have come a long way in the last year or so. I am much stronger, happier, and healthier than ever. I have made great strides, both inside and out, and I’m proud of myself. It’s not an easy road, but I know I’m headed in the right direction.  

I am lucky to have this guy, my biggest cheerleader, who loves me regardless of my size.