This week I’d like to tell you about somebody incredibly special to me. She has been described in past blog entries, for sure, but she has not had the spotlight squarely on just her yet. This week, I am talking about the amazingly strong woman I am lucky enough to call my Mama B, my mother-in-law. 

Almost 22 years ago, Mama B opened up her heart (and her home) to the lost soul who walked through the door. She knew that Bruce loved me and that meant that she loved me already. The bond that we share and the connection we have was evident from day one. 

Thinking back to the beginning of our relationship, there was nothing that she wouldn’t (or didn’t) do for me.  She came to rescue me when my car was broken down in North Jersey. She encouraged me to food shop in her pantry when I needed to, and she even helped me pay for my teaching certificate when I had taken the ginormous pay cut in order to fulfill my life’s purpose in becoming a teacher. She never questioned anything and there was never a hesitation on her part. Her selflessness has always blown me away, and I am thankful for her every single day of my life. 

One time, probably within the first six months that Bruce and I were dating, she did something so adorable that we still talk about it to this day. Bruce had been working for his father (a contractor), and as a typical young 22 year-old, he would bring his laundry to mom once a week. While he was working with his dad, Mama B would wash and fold his laundry so that it would be clean and ready to go at the end of the day. On this particular day, when Bru got home and unpacked his laundry, he found a pair of my panties, neatly folded under a stack of his shirts. She never mentioned it to Bruce, but he was still was mortified. It’s a story we continue to laugh about every time it comes up. We also all laugh about how Mama B baked me a cake for my birthday (just 3-4 months after meeting me), and sent it home with Bruce for me. The funny part is not that she baked me a cake, but that she did so a month too early. 

(The next month, she baked another cake for Bruce to bring me on my ACTUAL birthday.)

Mama B and I talked on the phone several times a week, which Bruce didn’t really understand, since he rarely spoke to his family on the phone, and usually just out of necessity. We would get together regularly, even if just the two of us. It was a relationship Bruce didn’t get, of course. He only ever saw his family on holidays, and that was enough for him. But Mama B never had a daughter, and those years in my early 20’s were tumultuous ones for me, to say the least. She has always had a way of making me feel incredibly loved and appreciated. For example, my first REAL Christmas with the family was just a year after Bru and I were together (the first one didn’t really count because we had only been dating 10 days), and she made sure that I had the exact same number of gifts to open as Bruce and Scott did. There was no differentiation between her own children and me. 

As the years have passed, we have grown closer and closer still. She has been by my side through the good, the bad, and the ugly. With my own family scattered in other states, having my Mama B has given me a place I can always call home. I consider her a parent, a cool aunt, a fun older sister, but most importantly a dear, dear friend. In fact, I have no idea where I would be without her! She has seen me through the best and the worst parts of my life over the last 21 (+) years. 

During every relapse, I could count on her coming to my house to visit, which included stocking my freezer full of meals that she had prepared for us. She has witnessed more of my struggles with MS than anyone else, except Bruce of course. During my years as a Walk MS team captain, she never missed a single walk. Every time I was a keynote speaker or won an award, she was there. She came with me to countless doctor appointments and evaluations, whether personally necessary for me or as mandated by the state or the SSA. She was even with me the day I had to tell my principal that I was being written out of work for six months, which, at the time, was the most devastated I thought I would ever be…that is, until the day Mama B was with me when I filed my intention to apply for disability retirement. That was the moment when I needed her most, and the moment that she knew exactly what to say to me. I never loved her more than at that moment because she told me what I needed to hear in exactly the loving and supportive way I needed to hear it. 

The most amazing part about my mother-in-law is how selfless she is, particularly where it comes to her family. As long as her boys are happy, she is happy. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for them, provided that she had the means. She does the same thing for her 95 year-old mother, putting her own life aside so that those around her feel safe and loved. There is not a single bad bone in her body, and no one who knows her would ever say otherwise. 

Within the past year or so, my Mama B offered to dog and house-sit for us, because she noticed that Bruce and I always went away separately. Having family in Florida, I have made frequent trips there without Bruce while he stayed with the dogs, and vice versa. It may not seem like a huge deal to other people, but we have two dogs, both with special needs and on various medications. As scared as she was, she even learned how to inject our insulin-dependent dog because it was that important to her that Bruce and I got to spend a weekend away together for once. Now she does it regularly for us, and she doesn’t even think twice. The answer is always yes. The icing on the cake is coming home to a sparkling clean house, which I appreciate like crazy because our house is simply too big for me to keep up with. 

Looking back on my relationship with all the Rankins, but Mama B in particular, I feel so fortunate that the universe saw it fit for me to fall in love not only with Bruce, but with the entire family. Some of my happiest memories are made when I spend time with my mother-in-law. She plays so many roles in my life, and I have no doubt that I hit the lottery when she became my Mama B. 

I can’t relate at all to the horror stories people tell about their mothers-in-law. As a human being, particularly one who has MS, I have come to depend heavily on my mother-in-law. She is as important to me as Bruce is as my care partner. I wish everyone could have the kind of support I get from my Mama B…and if you have someone like her in your life, don’t forget to thank her/him, and your lucky stars for such a priceless gift.