I have always loved shoes. What girl doesn’t? They are the best way to complete any outfit, and the best part is that they fit regardless of my waist size. 

In my old life, I was the queen of the “chunky” heel. I know it doesn’t sound overly fashionable at the moment, but prior to my diagnosis of MS in 2003, I was pretty hip. I had tons and tons of shoes. Black ones. Brown ones. Beige ones. Slip on. Lace up. Wedges. Sandals.  Big, chunky, high heels. I couldn’t get enough! I spent a small fortune on high-end brands, because I firmly believe that with shoes (and jeans!), you definitely get what you pay for.  

Shoes like these were my first choice for work.

As much as I LOVED every single pair, I found myself suddenly unable to wear them, although I certainly tried. Unfortunately, high heels do not mix well with numb feet. Finding the ground without knowing where your feet are is just asking for a broken ankle, even without throwing high heels into the equation. I distinctly remember the last day I wore my favorite brown shoes. I was leaving my house for work, before 6 am as usual. I must have misjudged where my foot was, and took a nasty fall on the sidewalk. Of course, I stood myself up, and I looked around to make sure no one saw me. Even though my reaction was pretty silly, it’s a reflex, because it’s embarrassing when you trip because of something that others can’t see. I didn’t even care that the palms of my hands were scraped raw from the fall, as long as no one saw me fall. Did I mention it was 6 am? The fall didn’t even phase me until I looked down and saw that my favorite brown shoes had suffered the same fate as the palms of my hands. They were damaged beyond repair, and I was devastated. 

My shoes became relics of my past life. My closet became a museum of beautiful shoes to be looked at but never worn. There they sat, all lined up neatly, at the bottom of my closet. I ached to wear them again, and I swore that I would. One year and one month after my diagnosis, I finally gathered the strength to get rid of this huge (yet admittedly ridiculous sounding) tie to my life before MS. I put on my big girl panties, and packed up those amazing shoes into two giant trash bags. I ceremoniously threw them into a donation bin, envisioning someone “less fortunate” walking around with some pretty kick ass shoes. 

I was always partial to Steve Madden.

I still suffer from “shoe envy” and stare longingly at the lucky ladies who wear any shoe they want, without giving it a second thought. On a day to day basis, it’s not so bad, and I have really embraced the wonder of flat shoes. The most difficult times are when I have an event, such as a wedding, and I’m all dressed up without any fun, fancy shoes. It’s definitely a challenge finding MS-friendly shoes that are appropriate for dressier attire. 

The point is that MS has changed practically every aspect of my life. I never would have thought that I’d feel the mighty fist of MS come down on something as trivial as my footwear. But it’s just a snapshot of the much bigger picture. It’s about choices being taken away without my permission, and learning how to make the best of what I’m left with. Luckily, there are still fantastic options out there for me and my shoe dilemma…it’s a metaphor for my entire life. 

Rocket Dogs: one of my favorite post MS brands. I have these in 3 different colors!

I keep that in mind every single day, and I am convinced that this thought process has made me a much happier person. I do not dwell on the things that MS has taken away, and instead I am grateful for what I have been given: the precious gift of truly appreciating the simple things in life. After all, it’s not about having the most. It’s about making the most of what you have.