Today Bruce asked me how I’m doing. Innocuous? For sure. But the question was meant to be deeper than how I’m feeling physically. He then continued to say that I seem different since my diagnosis of diabetes. He said it almost seemed like I was admitting defeat, which is not at all how I feel.

How I feel is frustrated. I am healthier than ever, and treat my body better than I ever have. I feed it with nutrition in mind, give it plenty of exercise, and even allow it to rest when it calls for it. These are steps I have taken and perfected over the course of the last five years. So when I was told that I have “uncontrolled diabetes” I was in shock, and I think I still am.

This diagnosis is even harder than breast cancer was for multiple reasons. Breast cancer is a battle I won, and I knew I could. I mean, I need to be vigilant about my post-cancer care, but my prognosis is indeed very good. I did what I had to do… surgery, lots of waiting, tests, more waiting, scans, more waiting, followed by six weeks of daily radiation which resulted in painful, burnt, and peeling skin. But I knew it would heal. That’s the difference.

With this diabetes diagnosis, everything I have done to change my life still didn’t affect the diagnosis. That’s the frustrating part. We all need to eat in order to live, and even the tiniest tweaks necessary for my diet have been done. The discouraging part is that I can be as diligent as I am, and it still may not change anything. The thought of adding another lifelong battle makes me feel sad, disheartened, and yes, even defeated.

The lesson here is that having an illness such as Multiple Sclerosis does not preclude me (or anyone else) from being diagnosed with other chronic illnesses. It’s important to take care of these bodies of ours so that we can live our best life. That includes wellness visits, mental health, and any specialists that are a part of our medical team. And that’s really important: assembling a health care team that we trust and who communicate with each other (and also with us) in order to keep our bodies working as efficiently as possible.

I never thought my team would include so many specialists, but I am faithful to them all because their job is to help me feel my best. Bruce happened to ask me how I was doing during a moment of weakness, which we all have, even me! The truth of the matter is that I’m doing the same as always. I am doing what I have to do for me, for us, and for our future, because I want us to live a long, happy, and healthy life together.

So I am taking this diagnosis the same as all the others I’ve been given. I’m educating myself, changing the things in my life that need to be addressed, and I do it all with a smile on my face because that’s who I have always been. I may have felt defeated at that moment when he asked me, but the reality of the situation is that I feel more empowered than ever because I can still live happily, laugh openly, and love fiercely, just as I always have. And some things never change… no matter what.

Just reading up on the basics as I get to know this new chronic illness in my life.