For the past 15 years, my life has been about one thing, and one thing only: my job. As a high school teacher, I took every single aspect of my job seriously. I understood how important my job was, regardless of the public’s sometimes negative perception of teachers. I never questioned the lifestyle that included painfully long hours and constant working at home on nights, weekends, holidays, and vacations, because I did it all for the kids.

It never took long for me to get wrapped up in each new school year, and before I knew it midterms would be upon me. In the blink of an eye, another year of my life would be half over. Not only did I neglect my own family and friends as I dove into my job, but I also neglected my body and my symptoms. I was hyper-focused on my job, and often found myself sitting at my desk (after a 10-12 hour work day) in pain and utterly exhausted, with tears streaming down my face, wondering how I would make it to my car and drive home. At the end of the last several school years, I wondered to myself how much longer could I possibly keep up this pace?

But I always had my summers to recuperate from the past year and gear up for the next one. I spent my summer mornings at the gym (6 days a week), afternoons lounging by the pool, napping when necessary, and doing lesson plans and preparations for the upcoming school year. When August arrived, I always felt fully prepared to take on another year of the job that controlled my life.

Last summer, however, instead of feeling great like years past, I felt worse than ever. I did not become my usual “summer self”, but rather a version of myself that I did not recognize. I did not spend my days at the gym, pool, or anywhere but inside my own house, usually laid out on the couch. As September drew near, I started to panic because I had never felt so awful or ill prepared to start the school year. I threw myself into my job as usual, but I began to feel worse and worse. This deterioration prompted me to see my neurologist. Lucky me: my first relapse in 6 years! I scheduled treatment, and wrote my lesson plans (and prepared all the assignments for all of my classes) for a two-week absence. This would allow me the time to both take the IV treatment and recuperate before heading back to work. The two-week absence was extended to 6 months when I made little to no progress after receiving treatment.

The next few months included intense physical therapy, cognitive therapy, and MS exercise classes. My progress was extremely slow and quite painful. I was frustrated beyond belief because I was working so hard and not seeing results. Plus, I missed my students like crazy!

As the months passed, I began to accept the fact that I would no longer be able to perform my job. My decision to “retire” was an excruciatingly painful one, but I know it was the right one for me, my family, and my students. This was not a decision I wanted to make, but MS made it for me, and brought me to the place I am right now.

This place is actually not bad so far! I spend my time volunteering at the MS Center, still passionately involved in patient advocacy, participating in MS exercise classes, and I’m finally back to practicing my photography. I’m actively included in the lives of many former students, and I feel incredibly lucky that I get to witness their journeys. I am more centered now, and I’m finally enjoying the simple things that I took for granted when I was work-centric. I take pleasure in the beautiful little things in life, like just spending time with loved ones and being fully present with them because we all deserve that much.

So even though retiring at age 42 wasn’t my plan, I am at peace with my decision and I am excited to see what’s next for me!